All Alone

by Casey
(Logan, OH, USA)

Hello, my name is Casey. I don't really have anyone else to talk to, so maybe this will be good for me. My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma (cancer) on August 28,2013. He spent a lot of time in the hospital with my mom. He had a feeding tube, but still lost 70 pounds. He was skin and bones. He was the most amazing dad. He taught me how to do so much, change my oil, be a tomboy, be honest and a good person. He was my rock. He was such a great dad. He has this beard that was so bushy and perfect. I turned 18 a month before he died. The doctors gave him 4-6 months. He died within 2 weeks. He dI'd on July 12, 2014. Around 4:20 AM. I came to check on him, and watch him struggle to breathe. I woke my mom up and asked if I needed to get my sister. By the time I made it half way up our stairs, he was gone. When I came back down I asked my mom how long we had, I said this week? Today? She then said, hes gone. I was so devastated. I was broken in half. I didn't know what to say or do. I had just told him 2 hours ago how much I loved him. The cancer spread to his brain and killed him. I believe in God and I know he is taking care if my dad, but I can't help but to say I love him one more time. I haven't told my mom or sister about this. He took chemotherapy and radiation and it wasn't as hard as losing him. He has a trach put in and he couldn't talk. It still was this hard. Not seeing his face and feeling his stubby beard that was growing back. I miss him so much. I didn't think after he died that I would feel this way. I thought I would cry once in a while and it would leave off a little bit. The more the days go by, the more the pain kicks in. I talk to him, but it still isn't the same. I don't really know what to do or say...I can't stop these feelings and I don't know how to help them ease.

Comments for All Alone

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Sep 02, 2014
my heart aches for you
by: Anonymous

My dad passed away July 28th 2014 at 3:33pm at his home with my daughter, myself, my mother & my younger brother all around him, my dad was diagnosed just on June 5th 2014 with stage 4 lung cancer & also cancer in his stomach, kidney's, adrenal glands, brain stem & brain after a surgery on June 1st 2014. We only had 7 weeks a short time as well to try to fit the rest of a lifetime of hugs, kisses, visits & 'I love you's' packed into an amount of time that broke our my heart hurts for you, sometimes it feels no words can explain the loss you must also be feeling dear...I have days where I just cry, my dad was my super hero.... So my hopes for you are: may the universe bring you peace, may it bring you comfort, may it bring you many moments of remembering & reliving good memories you have. May the universe embrace you as your heart aches & help you through all the feelings you are experiencing. I don't know who you are in this world but I hope you are blessed with the comfort you need & blessed with finding ways to smile for life again. Sending hopes of Peace & comfort to your heart as you heal I hope for you. And I say these things of hope for you cause someone else was kind enough to send me the same messages of hope when I needed them so I pay that kindness forward to your heart as well dear. May kindness be shined upon you always so you no longer feel 'All Alone'.

Sep 02, 2014
I know how you feel
by: Cheron


I understand what you are going through, I lost my mother July 3, 2014 and it's the hardest thing I ever had to endure. Although I'm a lot older than you doesn't make the pain of losing a parent any different. Someone once compared grief to like having an uninvited guest come without warning and doesn't want to leave! All the feelings you are feeling are normal, go through them, that's the only way you will heal from losing your father. If you have to cry, scream, be it! Grief will have you feeling like your on a roller coaster ride, one minute your up the next your down. Your loss is still new like mine, take it one day at a time. If you are a believer in God, go to him in prayer and ask him to give you strength to get through this, He will, I know! Also talk about your father, that's also healing. I pray that you and your family can find peace and understanding. God bless you.

Sep 02, 2014
Not Alone
by: Judith in California

Casey, I'm sorry for the loss of your Father. Your feelings are normal and you really need to go with them so the greiving process can go it's course. It takes time to take what happened to him all in. Grief can not be stopped or eased. You will heal better if you just feel what you're supposed to feel. It's only been a month and a half Casey.
I pray you will eventually get to the peaceful acceptance side of it.
With God you are never alone and on this site.

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