(Logan, OH, USA)
Hello, my name is Casey. I don't really have anyone else to talk to, so maybe this will be good for me. My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma (cancer) on August 28,2013. He spent a lot of time in the hospital with my mom. He had a feeding tube, but still lost 70 pounds. He was skin and bones. He was the most amazing dad. He taught me how to do so much, change my oil, be a tomboy, be honest and a good person. He was my rock. He was such a great dad. He has this beard that was so bushy and perfect. I turned 18 a month before he died. The doctors gave him 4-6 months. He died within 2 weeks. He dI'd on July 12, 2014. Around 4:20 AM. I came to check on him, and watch him struggle to breathe. I woke my mom up and asked if I needed to get my sister. By the time I made it half way up our stairs, he was gone. When I came back down I asked my mom how long we had, I said this week? Today? She then said, hes gone. I was so devastated. I was broken in half. I didn't know what to say or do. I had just told him 2 hours ago how much I loved him. The cancer spread to his brain and killed him. I believe in God and I know he is taking care if my dad, but I can't help but to say I love him one more time. I haven't told my mom or sister about this. He took chemotherapy and radiation and it wasn't as hard as losing him. He has a trach put in and he couldn't talk. It still was this hard. Not seeing his face and feeling his stubby beard that was growing back. I miss him so much. I didn't think after he died that I would feel this way. I thought I would cry once in a while and it would leave off a little bit. The more the days go by, the more the pain kicks in. I talk to him, but it still isn't the same. I don't really know what to do or say...I can't stop these feelings and I don't know how to help them ease.