All at Once
In January 2010, my husband was diagnosed with terminal liver disease and was given 1-2 years to live. We were all coming to grips with him only having a short time left. Our 22 year old son moved back home to help care for him. In March 2010, my 22 year old son suffered a heart attack in his room and we were unable to revive him. In May 2010, my 24 year old son, who was in the Marine Corps, died from complications from surgery on his foot. Both of our boys died seven weeks apart. Along with burying our boys, I knew my husbands death was right around the corner. He hung in there through the holidays and died 8 months after our last son died. I never had a chance to grieve for each person before another one would die. My body went into a state of shock and I felt like I was a robot. I guess my body was trying to protect itself. To lose my family in 10 months was too much to handle.
I had to get used to living alone. That was something I hadn't done since 1982. My whole life as I knew it, had been ripped apart. I started going to a grief therapist weekly, a few months after my husband died. It has helped me so much in dealing with my emotions. One thing I found strange is that I couldn't cry. I was told that it was from being in shock. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream. I noticed if I heard songs on the radio that reminded me of them, I would start to tear up. At night I now go to YouTube and listen to all my "crying" songs. It helps me get all the tears out for the day. After I cry, I type 2-3 pages in a journal. Also, in my journal are my prayers. I type them out, so I can go back and see how they are being answered. It has become a very healing process for me. If anyone is interested I could share my song list. I titled my story "All at Once" by Whitney Houston. It kind of sums up what has happened in my life.
Sadly, it takes time to get used to grief. When there's 3 deaths in less than a year, I'm not sure how much time it will really take. I know I won't get over losing them, now I'm just trying to learn how to live without them. I lean on God for support everyday.