All I've Lost

by Presley
(Wichita Falls, TX)

The first loss I experienced in my family was one of my paternal grandmother's sister, my great aunt, when I was about 9 years old. Then, my maternal grandfather passed away when I was about 11. However, the most major and most impacting loss I experienced was the death of my mother in January of 2008. I was only fourteen. After she passed away, everything went downhill. I moved in with my paternal grandparents. After about a year, my grandfather became very ill with multiple cancers. He died in January of 2010. My grandmother had also became very ill as the result of strokes and other medical problems. After my grandfather died, my grandmother's sister, my great aunt, moved in to help care for her. By this time, my grandma had decided she didn't want me to live with her anymore, so she discussed things with my father and I was to live with him, my stepmother, and their child, my half sister. Meanwhile, my OTHER half sister, from my mother and stepfather, was living with her father after the passing of our mother. I hardly saw her, still hardly see her. (He is now remarried, ALREADY, and moved away). At the time my mother passed away, my brother was away in boot camp, and then place to place, foster homes and group homes through CPS. (He is now back, since 2010, and we have a stronger relationship than we've ever had. We grew up together, not always getting along too well, but naturally, losing our mom brought us together.) Well, while my grandmother was hospitalized due to the major stroke, her sister that had been helping care for her had passed away. Soon after, in November 2010, my grandmother passed away. This comes to a total of six losses in only seven years. The most impacting on me being my mother, and my two paternal grandparents within only 2 years. After my mother died, everything went downhill for me. After moving in with my grandparents, and then to my dad's (where there was frequent conflicts between us), being kicked out soon after I turned eighteen, moving in with a friend, kicked out of there, moving in with a relative of a friend, moving from there to my maternal grandmother's, the only grandparent I have left, I've only been with her for a few months and it's already getting bad. All of these things made this huge impact on me. I've been depressed, stressed, and unhappy for years, since my mom passed away, and everything just getting piled up and falling apart after that, and I just don't understand how I'm supposed to handle all of this; losing the closest people to me, moving from place to place, having almost nobody to turn to except those that only SAY they'll be there but you know that when it comes down to you actually needing them, there's nothing they can do. All I do is think about when I'll finally be able to be happy, when things finally decide to go right for me. I've never been more stuck, confused and lost in my life, and I really don't know how I'm supposed to handle it, but the only thing I constantly remind myself, the only thing that barely keeps me from losing my mind, is the simple fact and my strong belief that there's a reason for everything. I just have to keep believing that.

Comments for All I've Lost

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Sep 13, 2012
All I've Lost
by: Doreen U.K.

Pressley I am sorry for your loss of all the family members who have passed away in such a short time. You really have had such a hard time in your young life that would make many people bitter with life. I have a saying. Our Trials in life can make us either BITTER or BETTER. I made a decision that my trials would make me a better person.
The best thing you could do is to take yourself off to see a COUNSELLOR. I did this. It was the best investment I made into living a much happier and more focused life. It was painfull but better to release the pain with the support of a counsellor, than to live with misery. When I look back It was the BEST thing I have ever did. It was expensive but worth every cent for the way I feel now. Your whole world will change and then you will notice all the people around you will appear different. It is like magic. You will see things better and you will therefore be happier. When you have difficulties in the future you will be a stronger person and be able to take things in your stride. You can learn much from your past that will benefit you in the future. You can draw up a new contract on how you want your life to be. You can then go on and make things happen for the best. You will have the confidence to do this. You won't know till you try. Years ago I wanted to end my life. I couldn't see life changing. I was fortunate to find the correct counsellor and I GOT MY LIFE BACK. Anyone who is willing to put in the work can get their life back. I was married and bringing up a family and I DID IT. Most of the mistakes were made by then. I past on all my sadness to my children. It is harder to undo. Some of it can't be undone. Start now to put your life in order before you go on in life and it gets harder and seems to be too big a task to take on. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. You won't regret it. You owe it to yourself to be HAPPY. You will find people that will be drawn to you and you will make friends who won't want to leave. You can be HAPPY AGAIN. If you have God on your side. It HELPS. You won't feel so alone trying.
Best wishes

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