All My Beloved Men
When I was 7, (in 1950) my father came home from work and died of a heart attack. I thought that was the worse thing that could ever happen. I was wrong. In 1992, I lost my beloved 50 year old husband to multiple myeloma (bone cancer) after a 13 month struggle. In 1994, my second husband and I were married. We thought we had received a miracle after losing our spouses after long, happy marriages! In 1998, he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and I lost him, suddenly, in 2003. In 2007-2008 a man married me, then walked out. (That was just a bump in the road.) In 2009, I met another widower and we began a beautiful, new life that was like my two magnificent marriages.We planned to get married and buy a new home, after returning from our vacation. Last summer, while visiting family in NY and NH, he needed sudden heart surgery, and after fighting to live for two months, he, too, died!
I try to thank God for everything I've had, but sometimes, my grief is overwhelming! I don't know which beloved man to cry for. I miss them all so much! I am in a Hospice-sponsored grief group, which is wonderful, and I have lots of loving family and friends, but some days, I wish my life could be over.