Almost 3 months later

by Terri
(Marietta, GA)

It has almost been 3 months since the love of my life for 31 yeas died. I still do not have the death certificates and therefore still do not know what caused his death. I have an emptiness inside that can not be explained. I have his picture and ashes lying beside my bed so he is the first thing I see when I wake and the last thing I see went I go to bed. My days are filled with so many different emotions. Sometimes I feel guilt because I feel like I didn't grieve him enough that day and other days it is all I can think about. I went several days without crying and now it comes so easily again as if it just happened. The images of walking into our bedroom the morning he died and seeing him collapsed on the bed will not leave my mind. Time is just standing still. I want so much to move on with my life. I am 48 years old and feel I have nothing to look forward to in my life. I have no job, no money and no prospect for either. I am at the mercy of others and feel like a child again. I don't have a voice in fear that I will offend the relatives that have so graciously allowed me and my son to live with them. I want to live on my own but cant, I want to know that someday in the future I can be happy again but I don't believe it will ever be. I miss him and the life we had so desperately.

Comments for Almost 3 months later

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Mar 29, 2011
husband died 2 weeks ago
by: cindy

Today is my Birthday and my husband was killed in a car wreck 2 weeeks ago, we were married for 5 years. I can relate to these post. Today I am numb. last week i cried. and all though i have felt guilt, that I didnt do this or that. I think and feel as if I took him for granted, it seems to me that I love him more now that hes dead,than i did when he was alive, the things i use to hate dont seem important now, and the things I took for granted i long for so much i cant stand it. He was everything to me, my emotional and financial support, my cheerleader, my confidant, my shoulder to cry on plus more. I feel as if I am a child also like I dont know what to do or anything, I dont have a job and I am terrified to start looking for one. We had just taken MY 2 small grandkids to raise and Im afraid i will lose them but on the other hand I think it would be best for them because I can see that they are not happy with me, I am getting frustrated just typing this and I will close.

Mar 28, 2011
the rollercoaster of grief


Grief is much like a boat ride without oars. It carries you back and forth good days and bad.
You emotions all over the place from on day to the next.

Be grateful for the roof over your head but be yourself and express things that should not be shoved down inside of you. I must warn you that during this time 3 months and beyond you will be angry at who ever is handy at the time, or I was.

I had very little patience yet did not feel like doing anything from day to day. Grief takes alot out of you and makes you feel more tired than putting in 12 hours of physical labor.

There are no set rules to grief but know that most anything you do or feel is within the norm of grief. Last month I saw someone that vaguely reminded me of my sweetheart I wanted to run up and grab a hug. Logic and the fear of jail stopped me. But I had odd thoughts and behavior all through the first year.

Mostly you will think that you are losing your mind and that you can't do this any more but somehow you do. Day by day and as hard as it is to believe it makes you a stronger person in the end because surviving grief is THE most difficult thing anyone can go through.

My best to you and somehow treat yourself to something simple a hot bath with skin so soft,
Anything to ease your mind if only for 10 minutes.
Remember that we are here to talk to any time.
That in it self will help you through many a day.

A journal, writing your love letters helps a great deal too. You can be yourself in writing here or there...

Mar 28, 2011
We're All In This Together
by: TrishJ

My husband died almost four months ago. We were together for almost 39 years. I'm 10 years older than you and just as frightened. My husband was the love of my life. I was a kid still when I met him at age 19. He swept me off my feet. Life without him is so sad and lonely.
I replay Joe's last day over and over in my head. My two children and I had to make the decision to turn off his heart monitor. While there was still blood flowing through him I felt like he was still with me. They had us leave the room to turn the monitor off. When we returned.....all the color was gone from his face~he was so still and cold. The life within him was gone. It's all so final.
My husband is all I know in this life. The thought of venturing on the new things scares me to death. I haven't made a lot of progress. I live with my sister and her husband currently because I couldn't return to our home. Not without Joe. I saw him everywhere I looked.
Crying is good for us. Cry as often as you need to and let your emotions flow freely. Stay close to all the people in your life that make you feel good about yourself. Look for happiness in the little blessings God has given us. As I'm giving you this advise please know that these are things I'm still working on and will be for some time. The grief journey is long and often very tedious. Just when you feel like you're making a little progress you have a major set back. That's what I'm going through now. I'm not pushing myself to do too much. I'm taking one day at a time.
God's blessings to you and I pray for peace for all of the widows on this site. We all miss our men so much and that won't change. We just learn to live with it the best we can.

Mar 28, 2011
So sorry
by: Anonymous

Dear Terri

I felt so sad reading your post. My husband - the love of my life, died a month ago. The feeling your describe are similar to what I too feel. Some days are good and some days I feel I cannot cope. I am empty. However your suffering is unique to you and no one can feel what you feel.
I am sad you feel like a child and dependent on others. In time, you will grow stronger and more independent. In the meantime, be gentle on your self and take care. Accept each emotion as part of the process - I am doing the same. It is not easy, it is painful.
I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless


Mar 27, 2011
Dear Terri
by: Anonymous

I hope you know the emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It is as normal to not shed a tear for months as it is to cry at a moments notice, for months. It is also normal to doubt if you have been grieving normally. It is important for you to feel the emotions as they come. It is all part of the process.

It must be difficult to find peace when you keep recalling your husband's final moments. What you need to remember however, is that there are 31 years of other HAPPY memories that you can celebrate, rather than focusing on the final most painful one.

It is hard to mentally relocate a loved one, and in your post, I recognize your difficulty. While keeping your husband's ashes next to your bed may be comforting in its own way, I hope you are able to find that your husband occupies your heart and not an urn. Try to let your mind and habits let go of his unfortunate fate and instead celebrate his life and love as you know he would want you to. In doing so, you will find your peace.

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