"Almost 4 Months"

by Devastated
(Hell on Earth)

It's been almost four months since I lost my world, my love, my life, my husband. It is NOT getting any easier or any better with time. I pray & wish every day my heart would just stop beating as my life ended when his did. He was the only one who brought me back from depression's clutches when we met and made me want to live. Our time together was short but he made me the happiest woman in the world. Now he's gone...... No hope for tomorrow, no desire for tomorrow.... Just the desire and want to be with him again.

Comments for "Almost 4 Months"

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Apr 04, 2011
4 months on 4-10
by: Anonymous

is the 4 months a turning point for all of us? i still cannot believe he is gone. It happened on 12-10-10. He went to work and never came home. I still can't deal with it some days. I too miss him with my entire soul. Everyone else has the same life and I still sit alone night after night wishing he could come back home. I know he can't and hope he is in a better place. I know when I saw him after he died he did look at peace. I'm so glad for that. We did have a nice last day. I wish I would have said more if I knew that would have been it. I love him so much and I enjoyed being with him every single day. I still miss every day. Today was the first day I didn't cry for him. Is that a turning point? I feel guilty I'm not crying.

Apr 04, 2011
One year, 14 days
by: Zoe

We each go through this journey differently, some seem to adjust more quickly than others. But I, like you, for a very long time felt no abatement of the pain, there was no time it was less it was horrible, always horrible. For a long time I wrote here and could not read what others wrote, it was too much, the people around me who tried to help suffocated me with their help. There is only one person you want, and they are not there.
What I can tell you is one day, and I cannot tell you when, but one day you will find you managed to get yourself ready without smelling his aftershave, or will drive down the road and a song that a week before had sent you into hysteria, won't. There is a time when you can catch your breath. Is the pain less? No, I would not say less, I would say... different. You find you can move, you function, will you ever be the same, no of course not. But you will be able to move and think, and even have a memory and smile.
I still cry, alot. But sometimes I can smile.
Come here, tell us how you feel, we do understand
and remember, when all else fails
one breath, one step.

Apr 01, 2011
3 months 22 days
by: Anonymous

Your description sounds exactly what I'm going through too. I've been to counseling, doctors trying to do everything to get over it. My sweetheart Angel had acupuncture, so I tried it and it helps (there are special areas for grief).
Still it is constant excruciating pain, heart-ache and agony - a living hell. I want to join her so bad. A friend emailed me with a similar experience. He said "hang in there". That's all we can do, but keep trying other things and hopefully something will work. Good luck.

Mar 31, 2011
4 months
by: M Mack

When we are left here....after loving someone for so long, it is hell on earth. The pain we all go through is terrible. The only thing you can do is let it happen, go through it even if you're on all fours. I think that when you write and let it out, you relieve some of the pain you are going through. When you're ready it might help to join a support group. Whatever you do, know that you are not alone. We hear you and and know exactly what you mean. Keep writing and don't forget one breath, on step one day at a time.

Mar 31, 2011
Four Months For Me Too
by: TrishJ

It will be four months in a few days for me too. My husband died on December 3rd.
I spent the first 60 days in shock....just getting by.....the days are a blur. Then reality hit me like a ton of bricks ~ HE'S REALLY NOT COMING BACK!!
One good day followed by two terrible days. A glimmer of light followed by total darkness. I too pray for peace in my soul. I'm very impatient. I want it now. I've been through too much with my husband's illness. This isn't fair. Then I remember to thank God for the time we had together. He was and will always be the love of my life. My children had a fabulous father who taught them many of life's lessons. I should be thankful....but it still hurts.
Visit this wonderful web site and vent. We are all listening. It really does help.
Blessings to you ~ hopin for some joy in your day.

Mar 31, 2011
We understand (really)
by: HH

I know how hard it is for you now. 4 months is about the time where a huge dose of "this is real" sets in. I know that it is hard to believe but it will get easier but not immediately like you want and I wish. We must all go through the hellish experience of grief.

Some of us are still trying to claw our way out of grief. You will find that there will be awful days where you don't even want to get out of bed that life has no purpose. Please just hang on it does get better. Come here and vent or just read under lost spouses/lost loves. Know that you are not going crazy just crazy with grief. Write in a journal to your husband let him know how lost you feel, or angry or abandoned.
It does help. Remember or motto: One Step one breath at a time...

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