Almost a year,they say it gets easier,i wish it did
I lost mum on 13th of August 2013 five days before her 53rd birthday to kidney cancer that had spread to her lungs,liver,spine and eventually brain.
She had been diagnosed in august 2011 and had her kidney removed which we were told was mostly tumour and an agressive one at that but that they thought theyd got it,we all breathed a sigh of relief and carried on with life as normal.
Six months later a routine scan picked up cancer in her lungs,it was now incurable but they could treat it,buy her more time,she played it down not wanting to worry us i guess,said she wasnt going anywhere but i knew the odds and i knew it was only a matter of time.
What followed was just over a year of her taking various anti cancer drugs which had little effect on stopping the cancer spreading but made her feel really awful and took my mum or at least my mum as i knew her away bit by bit,it was heartbreaking.
Then at the end of June 2013 mum had a fall and broke a bone in her back,i afterwards learnt that wasnt the first time she had fallen.A few days later while in hospital she had a seizure and bleed,they called us to the hospital and told us the cancer was in her brain and there was nothing more they could do,i dont think they thought she would survive the weekend.She rallied though and we had another five weeks or so with her.I hated seeing her like she was,she was such an independent (stubborn almost) woman and to see her so dependent and ill was horrible but im thankful for those last few weeks of time with her at least.
She died early hours of the morning on the 13th of august 2013 in her sleep,my stepdad sat by her side.I dont think it sank in for ages after she died that she had actually gone.Its been almost a year now and some days are ok,others not so good.Sometimes something reminds me of her or i see something she would like or when ive had a bad day and all i want to do is talk to her and her to make me feel better like only she could and i remember that i cant just call her up,that shes not here and it still hurts as much as it did when i first lost her.They say it gets better or easier at least,i really hope it does.
My mum was someone who knew me like nobody else,sometimes i think she knew me better than i knew myself,she knew what to say to make me feel better or stop worrying,she loved me no matter what,she was fun to be around,caring,a great friend and i wish she was still here,id give anything to hear her voice again.
Love you and miss you so much mum,xxxx