Almost eight months without my beautiful boy!
by Carol , Seans mom
My Hansome Young Man!
Hello, This is Carol, Seans mom. I lost my beautiful 24 year old son November 15,2011. July 15th it will be eight months.Life is difficult. Life is sad. Life has gone on. I can't believe how time stops for none of us. I knew that was the case but I guess I just wanted it to go back in time. I have figured out everything I want isn't always important in this big world. My world shattered into a million pieces the night I got a phone call telling me my son could not wake up. My world will never be the same and although people want us to be ok we will not be. We must learn to cope but ok is gone. I want my two daughters, Sean's younger sisters to have a happy life. That is my goal is to help them with that as much as I can. That is at least a purpose still. On June 23rd we set off on our first vacation since losing Sean. My brother in law had a time share week at Orange Lake Resort in Orlando and gave it to me to get away with the girls. My youngest got out of school that week and off we went. I had so many mixed emotions. Will getting away help a bit? A change of scenery might be good. Well it didn't help and the first few days I cried alot. I can not believe my hansome young man will never do this stuff. We visited the parks of Disney and it was hard because the last time we went he was with us. Last time was a great trip. Lots of memories were flooding in. I get so overwhelmed with memories some days. I want to soak them all in so I will always remember each and every one of them. I hung in there. Going out to eat was hard. I had to excuse myself each time to go and cry in the ladies room. I realized from that ,that when I am home I protect myself by staying in. I have learned I protect myself from the world I once use to participate in all the time. I have learned not to even live in the day I am in but the moment. If I have a good moment I appreciate it and hope there will be another good moment. I can't believe the changes in my life. I can't believe I will never see or talk to my Sean Patrick again. All I can do now is hope he is safe and at peace. I don't know what else to do . Coming on month eight is unbelievable. What happened to my world??