Almost eight months without my beautiful boy!

by Carol , Seans mom
(Bellingham, mass)

My Hansome Young Man!

My Hansome Young Man!

Hello, This is Carol, Seans mom. I lost my beautiful 24 year old son November 15,2011. July 15th it will be eight months.Life is difficult. Life is sad. Life has gone on. I can't believe how time stops for none of us. I knew that was the case but I guess I just wanted it to go back in time. I have figured out everything I want isn't always important in this big world. My world shattered into a million pieces the night I got a phone call telling me my son could not wake up. My world will never be the same and although people want us to be ok we will not be. We must learn to cope but ok is gone. I want my two daughters, Sean's younger sisters to have a happy life. That is my goal is to help them with that as much as I can. That is at least a purpose still. On June 23rd we set off on our first vacation since losing Sean. My brother in law had a time share week at Orange Lake Resort in Orlando and gave it to me to get away with the girls. My youngest got out of school that week and off we went. I had so many mixed emotions. Will getting away help a bit? A change of scenery might be good. Well it didn't help and the first few days I cried alot. I can not believe my hansome young man will never do this stuff. We visited the parks of Disney and it was hard because the last time we went he was with us. Last time was a great trip. Lots of memories were flooding in. I get so overwhelmed with memories some days. I want to soak them all in so I will always remember each and every one of them. I hung in there. Going out to eat was hard. I had to excuse myself each time to go and cry in the ladies room. I realized from that ,that when I am home I protect myself by staying in. I have learned I protect myself from the world I once use to participate in all the time. I have learned not to even live in the day I am in but the moment. If I have a good moment I appreciate it and hope there will be another good moment. I can't believe the changes in my life. I can't believe I will never see or talk to my Sean Patrick again. All I can do now is hope he is safe and at peace. I don't know what else to do . Coming on month eight is unbelievable. What happened to my world??

Comments for Almost eight months without my beautiful boy!

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Jul 10, 2012
Sean Patrick
by: Kathleen S

My own Sean Angus just passed away a month ago at age 35. Not only was he my beloved son, but he was a good friend. We had so much in common. I miss our telephone calls and our dinners and all our outings. I miss him as a person and as my son. I loved him with all my heart and I just hide in my house. I might have a day that is relatively peaceful but then will cry for the next 5. I'm back at work and don't care anymore. Everyone laughs and jokes and I can't even participate. I'll never be the same.

Jul 09, 2012
I can relate
by: Rose

I lost a daughter a year and a half ago. Life does change for us-the mother. We never seem to be able find 'normal' again.
I,too, have two daughters-I watch them grieve for their sister and struggle to try to heal their pain..ralizing-I can't.
I go to work and people are in 'work' mode-most even forgot I had a daughter I lost..
Everywhere I turn-life is happening..
I feel your pain-and you will be in my prayers, Carol. Please-lean on God, He cradles your son in His arms..Power of Prayer and Faith as a mother Grieves is the resounding answer..

Jul 09, 2012
Almost eight months without my beautiful boy
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Carol, I am sorry for the loss of your son Sean Patrick at such a young age of 24yrs. I cried when I read your post. It expresses also how I feel. The changes we have to make in our lives now is difficult. We soldier on because we have to. We just exist with grief that shows itself in difficult places. It is painfull sitting watching TV and seeing all the favourite programmes my husband and I used to watch. Steve liked tennis, football, boxing. All painfull to watch. Steve would miss the Olympics. and he just missed the European football championship. My husband Steve died from cancer 8 weeks ago. I nursed him for over 3yrs. We were married 44years. It is difficult to go on each day. Steve didn't get to enjoy his new home. with the new extension and his new downstairs bathroom he never used. All the granite and plush fittings. I may have to leave this home now as it is too large now just for me and my daughter. The heating bills will be too high. I feel as you do. Going out to the places you went with your loved one. Going alone. Not as a couple. Having the brother-in-laws visit and no Steve to talk to. Memories intruding when you least expect this and ending up in floods of tears. It is worse when one loses loved ones so close together and not get the time to grieve each loss. I am dreading this. Life is so difficult now. I hope that you get the support you need to help you in your grief. Post again if you need to. Don't suffer alone. It is Hell. We are in this together. You are not alone. Best wishes

Jul 09, 2012
Carol, may time comfort you...
by: Mariska

Carol,

Your Sean was truly a handsome young man. So was my Urich (25) who will already be gone for 6 months on 18th July 2012. It is hard to understand why these special young men with so much ahead of them need to leave us to carry on without them. Time does make the physical pain in your heart a little less, but I think the emotional hearache will never go away.

We cannot bring them back, no matter what, but we can live life in honour of them and what they did achieve in such a short time. I will never allow Urich to be forgotten. May the good memories and time bring you some peace.

M

Jul 09, 2012
sharing your grief
by: Cathy

Hi Carol, Such a handsome young man your Sean, Why did god take him, this is my 9th month since my son left me and the world did not stop nor did time, i don't know how time has flown and with it our precious angels no one can understand the pain or loss, life goes on but we will always be missing something precious from our lives till our dying day when we will be with them that will be the happiest day of my life but now we have to live for our other children till god calls us and we cannot get any answers why they left us and how they left us till we are back with them. I just hope life becomes bearable but right now i still cannot accept the fact he is never coming back. Anyway god bless us all and heal us.

Jul 08, 2012
Life is bitter sweet now
by: Diego

Hi Carol, I have read all of your previous post and let me tell you that you are a brave woman…my beloved and only brother died one month ago, he was only 26 and as your Sean he died while sleeping from “Sudden Death” and he was also a handsome man…why these things happen to good people? That’s question is drilling my head day and night, there’s not a single day of peace in my mind since my brother past away, writing a letter to my brother on this site and sharing with other people has help me a lot (my brother told me in a dream to write him, but that’s another story)…what I want to tell you is that on this weekend we also made our first trip without my brother, we need it, specially mom…we also took with us my brother’s son (8), my nephew is the living expression of my brother, they look alike so much that sometimes my mind goes back 15 years and I think I’m hanging out with my little bro, he is a blessing for all of us…this trip was bitter sweet, I was happy to see my nephew having so much fun and also happy because mom was also finally taking a break, but at the same time I was so sad, how this happen? Until today I didn’t know that one can be happy and sad at the same time! This is crazy and I guess this feeling will last for a long time…and I’m scared…I cannot imagine my life with this bitter sweetness feeling all the time, I’m 28, I guess I also have a life to live but not sure how I’m going to make it…anyway Carol, I wish you all the best and hope everything get better for both of us and all the families that are living this nightmare.

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