Alone & Tired

by Scott
(Portland , Maine)

I figured I would tell my story here in hopes that I find clarity through someone elses words. I'm 43 and she is 42. We met almost 3 years ago and like any relationship, the first 7 months were wonderful. And during that time I fell in love. I think when you know you know. She was truly the center of my day.

She started acting detached around mothers day into our 8 month. I thought it was because of Mothers Day and that weekend her two boys were with their father. But it lasted for 2 weeks until she admitted to me their was a guy who she has had an on again off again relationship. He saw pictures of us together so he moved out on his wife and moved right down the street from her.

We broke up and I was totally blind sided. She immediately was with him but after a couple of months and her staying in touch with me he went back to his wife because she told him he was married and she chose me. We got back together in September and she agreed she was not looking back. A few months went by and I was throwing her a birthday party and her friend let it slip that she and he were still in contact. I loved this woman so I stuck it out trying to help her as she was trying to say good bye. This went on until Jun of the next year where she broke up with me again. This time I said she needs to figure things out and I moved on and met someone. But my heart was for my ex and I could not truly move on. In Oct a day before my birthday my ex states I need to make a choice between the one I was with or her and if I wanted her to come be with her. I still loved her so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She had planned a trip with that guy to Aruba in Nov but they didn't go of course. She went with her family and a hs girlfriend. So I'm thinking this guy is gone finally only to find out they are still in contact on new years day. I tell her I'm leaving and she begs and pleads for me not to. So I don't but now I'm so gun-shy I think it could happen again and I keep my distance. Together but not as committed as I need time to really believe I can trust her. So from Jan of this year until Aug we are together but there are other men she is talking to. One is going through a divorce but comes around as a friend and does stuff for her that I would normally do. Another an ex boyfriend from college who's married but I they text til 2am once.

By now we are fighting and I don't think she understands that she can't be allowing other men around so we fight and she stops but now we are fighting. So she says she needs a break. 2 weeks later I break up and connect with someone to try to feel some sense of worthiness. But I know I still love her so I tell her I really want to be with her and I know we can make it work if we just communicate. I find out recently that the guy who was going through a divorce and was doing things for her when we were dating is now seeing her and the other day had his truck parked in her garage so no one would know he is there. She says they are just friends and since I moved on that she has the right to do whatever even though I have told her I want her if we can just communicate and I told the woman I met that my heart still belongs to my ex and I can't move on.

Now my head says this woman will never change. She needs men in her life to make her feel important yet I understand why based upon her childhood and the pattern continues. I've tried to break her of the pattern but I'm wondering if I ever can. I do love her and can imagine a future with her but confused at what to do. If I leave her be she will come running back but I know she will end up with thar guy she is with first as more than friends. How do walk away from someone so invested in and believe it can work. I don't know how to quit her.

Comments for Alone & Tired

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Sep 24, 2011
Run while you can
by: Anonymous

This relationship is toxic for you. You need to get out and never look back. She wants to keep you around as a back up plan, knowing that you will always be there for her. You are robbing yourself of much deserved happiness that you can find with someone else. Besides all this drama and torture cannot be any good for your heart. Trust me I know I lost my husband to a massive heart attack. He was always running through life with so much stress from a previous relationship. If you do not have children by this woman you have no need to ever know her again. besides the heart ache she brings you daily, what about when she brings you home a disease from one of her Friends. I will pray for you that God gives you the strength to get her out of your life for good and to find happiness with someone else. However do not do like my husband and torture the one you decide to move on with, by making her feel like your ex makes you feel. Which is what you are doing to all of these women you get involved with when you are on the outs with this woman and run back to her when she feels the need to use you and still see if she has the power over you . You would be better off with a dog, at least they are always loyal. God Bless and stay strong for yourself!

Sep 18, 2011
Better to be Alone Than with This Girl
by: Anonymous

Did you say she was seeing a married man on and off? Did you say she saw someone else? She has been off the moral compass so long and she has no respect for you, herself or anyone's marriage.
She is selfish and so needy for attention that she'll go to anyone to get it. IS THAT THE KIND OF GIRL YOU WANT TO BE WITH? Please do yourself a big favor and just drop her at the curb? Sure it will hurt for a while but it's better than what you've had so far.

You obviously have lost your self respect just by being with her. You sound like a good man and would be a good catch for a really nice young woman.. Bet you got caught up in her looks and didn't get to know her before you jumped in bed with I right?

Please just tell her to move on down the road and gain your self respect back. You teach people how to treat you.

It's far better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't respect faithfulness, herself or you.

Sep 16, 2011
Walk away
by: Anonymous

I agree with need to walk away.

When you love someone it is a hard thing to do but you need to love YOURSELF more and not let anyone treat you with such disrespect.

There are good women in this world looking for a good man...

Sep 15, 2011
You Must Move On
by: judith

Scott, this girl is a crazy maker. She is immature and has low self esteem and is so needy of attention and that you will never be able to change. change comes form within and only when someone recognizes they need to change. We either accept someone as they are or leave them alone. You must leave her alone and gain your self respect back. You have to ask yourself the hard questions and the first one is Why do I feel I need this type of person who will run around on me indefinitely? Don't you feel you deserve better? Please run, don't walk ,away from her as fast as possible and not look back. You can not help her but you can help yourself to continue to ask yourself What is it that I really need and find a kind , loving faithful , Christian woman that you can share a good life with with not the kind of game playing drama this current girl needs.
Respect yourself and just say NO and stay away from her.

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