Alone, unemployed and full of grief.
It seems like death has been a part of my life since I can remember. I normally deal with loss pretty well but this last year or so have just been brutal for me. It all seemed to have started with my husband running off without explanation. He's not dead but this was a horrible shock and definitely a serious grieving process for me. After several months I started to feel a bit better and started to feel like I was moving forward again. Then it seems as if every time I get up something knocks me down again. 18 months of not being able to obtain a job has taken its toll on me. I've applied for over 400 positions at this point and have lost count of how many rejections I received after jumping through all the hoops to get a job I'm more than qualified for. Along with these personal difficulties I've lost many people this year. It's crazy! I live on the opposite side of the country from where I grew up and where all my family lives. Four of my neighbors from where I grew up have passed in the last year! Plus 2 cousins. Then on my birthday at the end of June my little boy Scooter died! He was such a sweet boy. I know many people don't see animals and humans as the same when it comes to loss but I'm not one of them. I've never been fortunate to have human children of my own so my dogs are my children. Now we are in November and in the last month I have lost my aunt and uncle and the apple of my eye Mischief my little pom of 12 years has a very aggressive form of cancer and has gone blind and doesn't have much longer. I'm so devastated! So sad! So heartbroken! I feel all alone in the world and like I can't catch a break! I feel so empty except for the sadness and pain much of the time. I have so few people left in my life at this point and now my greatest companions are leaving me too! I'm the sort of person who usually bounces back from life trials pretty quickly but all this at once and not much support or help in my life now is really taking its toll. I'm feeling so lost and beaten down. I really don't know what to do and everything I try seems to fail.