Alone

My dad passed away in Sept 2012 and my mom (who was my best friend) in 2006. I am only child -- my sister died when she was 10 1/2 years old and I was 2. I do have spouse who is supportive to a point but we also lost his dad in 2006 and his mom 2010. He had a breakdown last year over his mother's sudden passing after she had an operation on a fractured femur (never came out recovery) the night before his birthday. And the day before my 50th birthday this year (Oct 2012), we had to put down our beautiful little Shih Tzu Holly who was our first dog for both my husband and I. I was also not able to have children so they have become our children. I feel so overwhelmed with grief and loneliness and now have to clean out my parent's home which is filled with some much as well as all the memories. I feel so much pressure right now along with dealing with the losses .. it's so hard. I've taken care of my parents my whole life and now it's so empty. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore... no one at work wants to exchange gifts this year ... neither do my cousins which is the only family I have left. I know I have to stop focusing on myself because there are lots of hurting people but I just don't feel good enough to do anyone else any good. Again, as mentioned, I feel I am being "pushed" to clean out my parents home by 1/15/13 since there is a potential it might be sold ... and I know I have to let go but it's so very complicated and overwhelming! Thanks for listening .. I guess I wished the Mayan calendar would be correct and this week we would all be joined again with our loved ones. I know that will happen some day but it just hurts so much right now. Thank you and God Bless.

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Dec 18, 2012
Alone
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for all your losses in your life. Don't Apologise for talking about yourself. You are Important. You had a life that has broken you in two with losing so many people in your life and also your pet (your child). I am also sorry for your loss of not being able to have children which is a BIG LOSS in any womans life. You have every right to express yourself and How you feel. Everyone has a story to tell and this must be Validated and RESPECTED. This is your story of your life and loss and how it is affecting you now. You are Fractured by Life. Try and see a Grief counsellor and let them help you sort out each loss and grieve this, and also your loss of not having children. You feel so ALONE. counselling will allow you the space for YOU. Which you need and also the space to HEAL from all your losses. There is no Shame in needing Help. I used this Counselling and it was the best thing I did for myself. I Have Healed in areas that is helping me to Live on my life with each trial I am stronger. I would love this for you. Regarding sorting out your parents home this is hard. I found it hard sorting out my husband's clothes. It was the most painfull thing to do (He died 7 months ago of cancer). What I did was mentally become detached as if I was doing this for someone else. That is how I got those clothes in the bags. I knew my husband was not coming back and these clothes He would never wear again so they had to go to someone who could use them. The bags sat in the spare room. I took them down to the Salvation Army 2 weeks ago and I feel better that I am tidying up things. I still can't tackle my husbands private things like rings he sent for from America. Cowboy boots. Leather Waistcoat. Jewellery box of private odds and bits. This is too painfull to do now. I may leave my daughter to deal with this If I am not able to. If someone can help you or take over the cleaning of your parent's home. Let them do it. Don't take on something if you don't feel able to. Delegate this to someone to help you with. You will feel Sad and lonely for some time. You have LOST so much in life and you need to take time out for Yourself. There are organisations out there that can help you. Start with Social Services. churches. The Salvation Army. May God surround you with Love and people in your life to support you. May God comfort you in your sorrow and grief.

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