by Ana
(Tracy, Ca USA )

I lost my mother to cancer at 15 the only person I had my mother knew that she wasn't going to make it and told me as clear as day " I'm not going be with you for much longer I want you to be strong " I remeber it like it was yesterday .In the weeks after she passed my siblings which lived towns away had decided that no funeral was needed for are mom because they had work and other excuses , I decided that are mother deserved a proper funeral and talking with my pastor he allowed me a time and day for it . I picked things I knew my mother liked flowers music etc . I recall sitting in the front in pure denial that day how could I plan a funeral ? My brother reluctantly took me in after the landlord at the house my mother and i were living since i was 7 called Cps . I often have flashbacks of the day my brother outside throwing furniture papers and other things he said that were useless and unneeded " I'm not going to pay to put all this junk in storage he said the coldness of my brother still hurts me to this day . After a week and a half my brother kicked me out after he said it was to hard taking on a extra kid he has 6 already at the time . I became a ward of the court after the courts received a package that my father sent after they petitioned him in the package was a letter stating that he gives up all rights as my father that didn't sting as he wasn't around anyway . The denial stopped on my sweet sixteen living in a group home with 6 other girls was nothing like I ever could imagine . The home was nothing like a home the girls all teens would often sneak out at night , one girl I remember told me she planned to run away the night she did I helped her pack . A few weeks later the group home manager had us sit down she told us that the girl was found but that she was found died in a field and that it is a good example not to run away !! Every time I remember helping her I start crying. I finally was able to graduate at 16 in a half and leave the group homes behind . I started working and received government help to get on my feet and have been independent since I'm 27 now and haven't stopped working lately I feel like I will never experience happiness or the idea of having a family I have never had a boyfriend and am afraid that I will be left or face a lose again . I'm lonley and long to have a hug from somebody that loves me .

Comments for Alone

Click here to add your own comments

May 04, 2013
X x
by: Emma

Hey ana Tracey..

I'm sorry for all you have been throu.. Life is so messed up n unfair!.. I lost my mum and dad in the last 4 years.. I'm still struggling big time. Ive just turned 32 but feel like a lost child!...If u ever what to chat email me

. X x

Apr 19, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Ana I am so sorry for your loss of your mom 12yrs. ago and for the loss and great unhappiness you have experienced since your mother died. You have had such a rough time in life and hardship that few experience at such a young age. You have been pushed around and perhaps feel so unloved by how your life has been up to now. You don't have a close relationship with your siblings and may feel abandoned by them. You are not unusual as a family. Many lives are disrupted by the hardships of life.
When you described your brother throwing your things out of the house and reluctantly taking you in, I immediately thought. Here is a man under pressure. He takes you and your mom in knowing he has to take on the responsibility and finding it hard. He can't afford to pay for storage of your goods so he disposes of them without thinking that some of these goods were valuable and significant to your life. Your brother was feeling the financial pressure. You were young at the time so wouldn't have been able to process this.
My dear because of the upheaval in your life you could do with some good counselling. To build up your self esteem and to help you grieve many of the losses in your life. You will then be in a position to have the confidence to go out and attract a man to marry and have your own family. You also won't pass on any of your own insecurities to your children because counselling would have helped resolve this. You can find happiness in life. You can be happy and find someone to love you for the rest of your life. Despite your sadness in life you are an articulate and caring person and this shouldn't be hard for you to find love in your life. We love you here on this site and send HUG'S AND KISSES TO YOU. Keep writing back. WE need you here in our family.

Apr 18, 2013
by: Anonymous

God Loves you and i do not know you but i Love you. You sound like a beautiful Human Being. May God give you strength and guidance every day of you life. Stay strong, good things will come your way.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!