(Tracy, Ca USA )
I lost my mother to cancer at 15 the only person I had my mother knew that she wasn't going to make it and told me as clear as day " I'm not going be with you for much longer I want you to be strong " I remeber it like it was yesterday .In the weeks after she passed my siblings which lived towns away had decided that no funeral was needed for are mom because they had work and other excuses , I decided that are mother deserved a proper funeral and talking with my pastor he allowed me a time and day for it . I picked things I knew my mother liked flowers music etc . I recall sitting in the front in pure denial that day how could I plan a funeral ? My brother reluctantly took me in after the landlord at the house my mother and i were living since i was 7 called Cps . I often have flashbacks of the day my brother outside throwing furniture papers and other things he said that were useless and unneeded " I'm not going to pay to put all this junk in storage he said the coldness of my brother still hurts me to this day . After a week and a half my brother kicked me out after he said it was to hard taking on a extra kid he has 6 already at the time . I became a ward of the court after the courts received a package that my father sent after they petitioned him in the package was a letter stating that he gives up all rights as my father that didn't sting as he wasn't around anyway . The denial stopped on my sweet sixteen living in a group home with 6 other girls was nothing like I ever could imagine . The home was nothing like a home the girls all teens would often sneak out at night , one girl I remember told me she planned to run away the night she did I helped her pack . A few weeks later the group home manager had us sit down she told us that the girl was found but that she was found died in a field and that it is a good example not to run away !! Every time I remember helping her I start crying. I finally was able to graduate at 16 in a half and leave the group homes behind . I started working and received government help to get on my feet and have been independent since I'm 27 now and haven't stopped working lately I feel like I will never experience happiness or the idea of having a family I have never had a boyfriend and am afraid that I will be left or face a lose again . I'm lonley and long to have a hug from somebody that loves me .