Always and Forever - my Michael

by Renee
(Cabool, MO, USA)

For my husband, Michael Smith, 11-70 to 6-20-12. I cannot believe Mike is not with me. I had no idea he was so sick. I can't believe we went to the hospital so many times. I am thankful he was able to come off life support for one day and tell me how much he loved me, and how much I love him. Most of all, I am angry that he was misdiagnosed and then died. Mike was the nicest person I have ever known. Every day he would call me and leave me messages about how much he loved me, how beautiful I am, etc.. It is so hard to cope without him. I hate doing anything right now, going anywhere. I burst out in tears all the time. I have no support group here. My in-laws are acting horrible through this, but then again, they were no where to be found throughout your heart surgery or anything else. I am tired of people calling and telling me their problems. The in-laws actually told me I have no idea what they are going through. Really?? I spent every day with Mike, took care of him when he was sick, did everything with him. But I have no idea how they feel when they haven't been around the past six years. Hmmm. I am still in disbelief, shock. I have lost the most important, amazing person in my life. There is no one that can replace Mike, ever.

Comments for Always and Forever - my Michael

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 16, 2012
So sorry...I lost my husband on same day
by: Jo

I can feel your grief so strongly, as I lost my husband of almost 49 years on the same day you lost yours. Our 49th anniversary would have been tomorrow. I still cannot believe he is gone and cry every day. The pain of a broken heart is so much worse than any physical pain, especially since it does not decrease quickly as physical pain often does. I will add you to my prayers.

Jul 28, 2012
thank you
by: Renee

Thank you so much. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. If I didn't have kids I would not want to be alive. Mike was also a carpenter, and it seems like as soon as he passed everything fell apart. Doreen, you described the way I have been feeling, and it is nice to know I am not alone in the way I feel.
I appreciate both of you commenting. You have both helped me feel like what I am experiencing is normal. I will definetly look for grief counseling in my area. I think I need it. There is a lot of emptiness in my heart, and my home.
Thank you both.

Jul 28, 2012
Always and Forever - my Michael
by: Doreen U.K.

Renee I am sorry for your loss of your husband Michael. You are facing the first and very painfull first stages of Grief. You will feel angry. When there has been a misdiagnosis and the person did not need to die, your grief will be more intense. You would benefit from seeing a grief counsellor to help you work through your grief so that it is more manageable. You don't need the interruption from your in-laws, or to carry anyone else's problems. Just concentrate on looking after your own grief. This is not the time to support others in pain.
You do very much need to be surrounded by supportive friends and family just now. If you don't have this support you will feel very isolated with your grief. Which is why you need to consider a grief counsellor.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage 11 weeks ago today. Steve died of lung cancer. He fought it for over 3yrs. It was a deadly cancer caused by working with asbestos. I know how you feel. I still don't want to do anything. I don't feel like going out. When I do come back from shopping I hate entering the empty house. The heart and soul has gone out of our home. I have no one to talk to most of the day. But I do have 3 supportive sisters and their husbands. but they are limited in what they can say or do. It is only a matter of time when the phone calls and support get less. Steve was a carpenter. I need one now to do all the unfinished jobs around the house. I now have to pay for a tradesman. I can't wait for my life to be over. It is a very painful life now. I don't want to go on. I just rise every morning to a new day and it holds nothing good for me. I just go through the motions and do what I have to. I feel as if life has stood still and everything is moving slowly. Steve was a fine man and a good husband. Loved by everyone. He is deeply missed. I am just having to prepare his verse for his gravestone.

God saw you getting tired
When a cure was not to be
He closed his arms around you
And whispered come to Me
So keep your arms around him Lord
And give Him all Your care
Make up for all he suffered
And all that seemed unfair.
I hope you find comfort in these words and that in the days ahead your grief will be more manageable, and that you do get the support you need at this diffult time. Feel free to write again. You will be supported here on this website, by people going through the same loss and who care.

Jul 28, 2012
I'm so sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you, it sounds like Michael was a great guy. I'm so sorry for your loss! It's not easy walking through this road alone and without support, trut me I know! I'm also in a lot of pain, I lost my mother on may 21st. Im her only child and we've been inseparable since I was 3 years old when she divorced my father. My mother was my everything: my #1 cheerleader in life, my best friend, my confidant, my therapist, my MOM. I'm sorry that I can't say it will get better, because I'm not there yet :(, but what I can tell you is that I decided to reach out and that I'm doing grieving therapy hoping that I could start seeing the colors in life again. Today is my mother's birthday and I can't tell you how much I miss her, today she would've been only 60 years old.

*** you could find information about grieving therapy or support groups in Hospices around your area, at least that's how I found mine. They don't charge me a penny, and they have been very compassionate. I hope this helps! ***

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!