always in my heart

I lost my 22 year old son from an accident. It has been two years now and it seems like yesterday. This is a pain I know that I will never recover from. The first year I think I was in a fog and this year it seems like the fog has lifted. The pain in my heart is still fresh. I have no one to talk to. I never went to a support group and I don't have friends to talk to. I have two older children but I don't put the burden on them to listen to me. My husband is not good to talk to because of his pain and he is always trying to fix this for me and he can't. I try to bury myself in my work but I'm mostly alone on weekends. My older kids live some distance away. This is a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Comments for always in my heart

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Sep 25, 2011
by: Kathy

Its been a few months since I wrote anything. I sometimes think as days go by, it will get easier but I'm wrong. I guess if it wasn't for my job I would be in a loonie bin by now. My husband still won't talk about our son and when I talk to my other children, they are suffering in their own grief about their brother. I still haven't been able to go to meetings like I probably should. My work seems to make it impossible. I'm alone on weekends most of the time because my husband works at night. I think about death a lot now since I lost Daniel. I know death is part of living but its different when you have to face death of your child and how are you ever going to move on in your own life. I just don't see that happening. I read other people's stories about their loss and I realize I'm not alone in this. I haven't slept in 2 years without medication in me.
I pray for all of you who have lost your child or children.

Jul 05, 2011
I was the same way
by: Cynthia

I was the same way when I lost my one year old son. I thought I just couldn't go on. I tried to starve myself to death. I never left the house. isolated myself from everyone, because I felt like I was alone in this they did not understand how I was feeling they had their children. My husband was not there for me at all. So I felt like I was alone. I know there had to be someone praying for me. Because one I got the strength to get of that bed and work and eventually pulled me out of that slump. I still cry everyday, cause the pain just wont go away. So I feel your pain.

Jul 05, 2011
our children remain deep in our hearts.
by: kay

I wish for you healing and love....I too lost my son 23 last year , he was killed instantly in a car crash on his way to work. It is the worst pain ....nothing can ever has been just over a year for me and the pain is still raw. Most days I function as a robot like human. Going about the normal activities that we do to survive. Some days I am so down I havent got the strength or will to move. I know what you are saying I hear your words and tears roll down my face. You should try to go to a support group least there you can talk to people who feel like you about your son,your pain. There is compassion and understanding at these meetings. I am thinking of you with love and hope. xxx kay

Jul 04, 2011
Never recover
by: Susie

Bless your heart. I understand the fog and the pain still being fresh. I, too, am like you. I don't think that you ever recover, how can we? All the problems that you have in life, there seems to be a hope of fixing them, but there is no fixing this unless the Lord sees fit to give them back. I truly believe our daughter (38) is safe with the Lord and happy, but we are not. Her children (daughter 17 and son 13) need HER not Nanny nor their aunt. We can be there for them, but we can't take "mommy's place" and neither do we want to. Our daughter was a wonderful Christian and a precious daughter. We have shopped for prom gowns, gone to baseball games, school functions---putting on the smile and turning our heads to shed tears. May the Lord comfort as only He can.

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