Always my Sister - Forever my Friend
On October 5, 2008, I lost my only sister. She fought a hard and painful battle with Breast Cancer. In the beginning of her battle she fought so hard using both western and alternative therapies. We all thought she had beaten it and was on the road to recovery... then we got the horrible news that the cancer was back and it had spread in her body... I couldn't understand how? They shot her full of drugs, they cut up her beautiful body, she lost all of her hair twice!
I have had such a hard time coping with this loss for more reasons than just losing her presence in my life. That would seem enough to bear. But my grief has been so complicated by family members.
My sister trusted me to be her advocate, her voice when she was too weak to speak and when she was gone. I had to bear witness not only to her suffering and death, but to our own mother behaving in a disrespectful manner.
I was named as the POA and executor of her estate. My mother attacked me one afternoon just shortly after my sister had been moved to a hospice for care. She screamed at me, demanding that I tell her everything in my sisters will and estate.
I didn't know how to answer her; I always thought that that should remain private until such time as it was ready for disclosure. (like after the person had passed away...)
I felt angry at our mother and deeply hurt throughout the process of my sisters passing. I tried so hard to reserve my own feelings and emotions and "do my job". I had enough time with her to tell her I loved her and that last day I saw her she said "see you later". All I could do was bite my lip and say "yes, you will". I blew her a kiss from the doorway and left. I knew it was the last time for everything.
Two weeks later she passed away (Not everyone gets the time off they want just because the death of a loved one is expected...)
I have pretty much had to grieve all of this out myself. And after nearly two years, I have reached a place of wanting to forgive my mother and let her go. I am now ready to pick up my life once more. I am ready to go forward knowing that my beloved sis is no longer in suffering and that she knew something about me that I didn't.... I really can do anything I put my mind to.
I am thankful for the beautiful blessing of having her in my life as my sister & friend. No one will ever take her place. Even now I find that some days are good and some are hell.
My grief has been semi-normal by grief standards, with flecks of complications, but I am doing it... I will survive! God Bless