Am I the only one?

by Raynell

Seems I am always questioning and writing while others seem so quiet.

I have this overwhelming need to be alone and quiet and everyone thinks I am crazy. But that is the only way I find peace. My husband is like a cricket jumping around, he has always been that way. But now all the noise and confusion overwhelms me. All I want is quiet and peace not a loud tv.

Sometimes I just go check in a motel close to my son's grave. I will read, take long soaks in tub and sleep ok. No one is pulling at me and demanding of me. I just want to scream to leave me alone. My grandchildren bring me such joy but they don't demand of me what my husband and grown daughter do.

Is it wrong to just slip away once in a while and regroup my sanity?

Comments for Am I the only one?

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Jul 21, 2010
you have many thinking of you and feelin your pain
by: Kay australia

Hi there, no you are not the only one, my son was killed in a mva on May 11-2010, I have cried every single day since then. When I go to shopping centre I cannot bear the noise and all the people...going on about their lives. I have to rush out and get home to my haven of my room, alone away with my memories and grief. I don't know how I will go on...the pain is so unbearable as you all know. My prayers and healing thoughts are with each one of

Feb 02, 2010
I know what you mean
by: donna

The day my son died I just wanted to be alone to try and understand what happened, I knew I would have to deal with family and friends the next day but my one sister couldn't understand when I said I wanted to be alone,(she was in Missoula when i called her to let her know).

First she called our cousins to have them stop by. I sent them home after about an hour. They must have called her to say I had told them they could leave when she called saying she had called some of my friends to come over. By the time I knew about this they were already on their way, so I visited with them for a while and then told them thanks for coming but I really need to be alone.

Sometimes dealing with people is more than I can handle. I can't wait till summer when I can get a mini-motor home and just go...

Feb 04, 2009
nearly a year
by: Anonymous

Ok, now what? Next month it will be one year that I lost my precious son. This year has gone by in a fog. I miss his actual presence so very much. I have never gone this long in his 41 years without seeing him. It still just does not seem real. How have any of you others out there felt. Am I crazy. The miss seems to be worse. Yeah I can function now--but that horrible hole in my heart and void in my life. I gave birth to him when I had been 18 one month. I am now 60. That is a long time to have someone in your life, just to loose them in a blink of an eye. What an empty space he left in this world.

Jan 26, 2009
God bless Alice
by: Anonymous

God bless you Alice. I think you are the only one that gets it. My family just doesn't. My 28 year old daughter could care less. My husband well that's another story. This site is a safe haven for me. I have always been the type that has to have alone time to think things thru. Why should this biggest of all tragedies be any different.

Jan 24, 2009
You have to listen to Your Self
by: Alice

Nobody better knows what's good for you then your own body. Please, take time to do all these things you have to. It takes a lot of trouble to explain it to loved ones, but it's worth the investment if they can relieve you, give you a few weeks off away at a Mexican resort or somewhere less lavish.

Nature has a way of centering us, it just takes time and only you and you alone will know exactly how much time you'll need. Your family has to trust you that you know what's best for yourself.

It doesn't mean they don't have good intentions, they just need to know that you still love them, you just need alone time. I hope you can find a few dollars and invest them in your sanity. God bless you for trying.

Dec 20, 2008
You are not alone
by: Penny

I so relate to your feelings of deep grief and depression. On those days I do not want to go to work. I like to say that I just want to crawl under my bed and shake, but somehow I usually get moving and through my day. I do miss some days from work and that sets up a whole new feeling of worry and fear. It is a terrible cycle when I am in it.

No one can tell you how to grieve or how to get through it. You are dealing with it the way that works for you and that is okay.

Nov 02, 2008
I understand
by: Anonymous

I do feel exactly like you and no matter what they (family) are worried, and make a big stink about it.....

I did have two boys (men), and when I lost my youngest 3 years ago, I wanted to slip away as well. I understand you, one little bit different, is you have grandchildren, which I'll never have.

Just remember those little ones are growing up fast, and you can miss a lot. I know how you feel, and yes not many out there understand that and it is ok to grieve as long as you need.

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