Am struggling to cope
2 years ago, my daughter died at full term pregnancy. I lost my home of 15 years, 100k, and my partner left 6 days later. I ended up with post traumatic stress disorder. I was making good recovery and at the end of last year i met a wonderful man.
I was looking forward to a new life. He is everything i could wish for. He told me that his daughters mother had cancer. She lived with her mother in another city 2.5 hours drive away. For the last few weekends it had been planned for her to come and visit. I was excited about this, she is 7, now at age 43, i knew that couldnt have anymore children. The daughter i lost was my last.
Unfortunately last saturday his daughters mother had a stroke and went into a coma. On thursday they gave her more drugs for the cancer. And she declined rapidly. Her family are now at the hospital waiting for her to die and his daughter is temporarily at a friends. She has no idea that her mother is about to die as her father wants to tell her face to face.
She was meant to come to stay with us today, but this had to be cancelled as the person that was bringing her is at the hospital with the mother who is dying.
This means that when i meet her for the first time, will be the day that her father tells her that her mother has died. That she will not be returning to her home, that she will be living with us. She wont play with the children in her street and wont be attending the same school.
Knowing how it feels to experience multiple losses, I am terrified for this little girl and how she will cope. I am at a loss what to say to her. My house is a brand new home that i moved to for my little girl. There are butterflies everywhere. I wish i had a magic wand to make everything ok - but i dont... i feel so desperately sad, when i think of the box of activities we had got for her. I thought how she could make things for her mummy to take back with her after her visits. Now she will never do those things.
I am spiritual - so i do believe that. I thought perhaps we could have a space in the garden where she could do things for her mummy, if she wanted to, grow things too. Maybe write a letter to her mummy on fire lanterns then set off into the sky to heaven. I am just scared that a 7 year old little girl has to go through this... and i am struggling to cope right now :(