An empty place in my heart

by gemma

I lost my nan june 1999 when I was 13 years old, the day she died would of been my little brother's due date but he came 4 weeks early so she got to hold her final grandchild. I always felt guilty at the time for not saying goodbye but I wanted to remember her the way she was before she got ill. I loved my grandparents to pieces and couldn't get over that I would never see her again and never really cried even at her funeral...then in march 2001 my grandad also died...think i cried for the both of them at his funeral. its been 13-11 years since they both left and it still feels like it was yesterday, I just wish i could hug them or know they are looking over me. yes the hurts gone but I became a mum 4 years ago and any big thing that happens in my life i wish they had got the change to experience it with me. my nan wanted to see me and my sister get married, she even collected porcelain dolls to give to me and my sister when we were 18 but sadly we collected them 5years and she wasnt the one giving them to us :-( the thing that hurts the most is that I hear friends talk about their grandparents being 80-90s and healthy but my nan was 69 when she died and my grandad was 71. I just wish one day the pain will get easier and the whole in my heart gets filled a bit more then it is at the moment

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