An Unexpected Loss

by Robin Richeson
(Owensboro, Ky.)

Laura Blair, our Mother, unexpectedly passed away on May 18, 2012 from a massive heart attack. Not one of us (her five children) were with her to tell her goodbye and I love you for the last time.

My name is Robin and I am the oldest child (33 years old). My brother and sisters (Matthew, Amanda, Meagan, and Morgan) are seven to fourteen years younger than me. I am a wife, mother, full time employee, and full time college student. . .and now a very big sister for my siblings to lean on to.

Losing Mom was a shock. A tragedy. An unexpected loss. To get that phone call - I couldn't even wish that upon my worst enemy if I ever had one.

Now my days have been filled with a longing for my Momma. We would give anything to have her back. We are all experiencing different levels of grief and depression and anger. Sometimes I wish that I could curse at God for taking her from us. Other times I get mad towards Mom. Why didn't we see the warning signs? Why couldn't I have talked her into going to a doctor?!

But she was such a sweet woman and had always put us first. She never wanted attention of any kind. And it never took much to put a huge smile on her face and to make her happy.

Just to have her again with us so we could love on her would be wonderful.

Mom, I pray to God everynight. And I pray / talk to you, too. We're all okay. Time will heal this pain, right?

We love and adore you. Always.


Comments for An Unexpected Loss

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Aug 20, 2012
I know the feeling...
by: Bea

Thank you for sharing about how wonderful your
mother was, and I am sorry for your loss. I suddenly lost my brother, and would like to share the website We are here to support each other..

Jul 15, 2012
Reply to Doreen and Jolanda
by: Robin Richeson

Oh, thank you both for the comments. I really appreciate them.

Doreen, I am so sorry for both of your losses and am astounded by what happened. I could and would never be mad at Mom for putting us first. You're right, it's a Mother's intuition to do these things and I do the same for my two kids on a daily basis. Thank you for your support and I pray things get better for you.

Jolanda, what a strange coincidence! I don't think any of us have gone through denial. We accepted Mom's death right away. And it's strange - when you lose someone so close to you, it's like a part of you is missing. Mom complained of tiredness, too, as well as trouble with her stomach ulcers and indigestion. I think that the indigestion was a huge warning sign, but she always said it was nothing. And she was a smoker so that most likely contributed to it, too. The night she passed away the Deputy Coroner had to meet me to give me her belongings and I was shocked to see the empty aspirin pill bottles. She must have been chewing these like candy to help with any she had been having weeks prior to her death. And yes, her death would have happened eventually, but I would have given anything to take her to the doctor to prolong her life just a little while longer. She'll always be terribly missed by all of us. We were all so close to our Mom, too. Take care of yourself. I'm on Facebook,too, if you want to find me!

Jul 15, 2012
My beloved Mom died on may 18, 2012
by: Jolanda (The Netherlands)

Dear Robin

I read your story with amazement and I recognised everything. My Mom died on the very same day yours did. Also from a heart attack and completely unexpected. She was 57, I am 35 and my sister is 29. We also are left with feelings of regret for not having sent her to the doctor and not seeing the signs. She was extremely tired lately, but she thought that was because she took care of her mother on an almost daily basis. That in itself was a plausible explanation. I later heard that she had told my sister once that she had chestpains, but that that was "because of tension"... now we now that they were signs of something being wrong. But she also always refused to see a doctor. So if someone doesn't want to go, they simply won't.. you can't drag them there against their will... but it certainly does add to the pain if you start thinking that her death could have been somehow preventable. But our doctor says it would've happened anyway, if not on may 18, then in the days or weeks after. The complete suddenness and unexpectedness of her death caused such a shock that several members of my family are still somewhat in denial. I feel like I am the only one who is actually already going through the grieving progress, although I went from shock (which lasted only for a few days) straight into depression. She was my best friend, I lived very close to her and we did lots of things together. She always put us first and truly was the best Mom ever. At this moment I cannot see how things can ever get even the slightest bit better. I miss her SO much... I wish you strength and courage in these dark times... I just wanted to respond to your story because our Moms passed away on the very same day and in the very same manner.

Jun 28, 2012
An unexpected Loss
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for the loss of your mother unexpectedly. With no one with her at the time will leave you all in shock and desperate in your feelings over a sudden death. You say you are all at different stages of grief. This will happen. You are the oldest and so everyone might lean on you. Be supportive but see that you don't feel responsible for everyone and so end up depleted and not able to take care of yourself.
Don't curse God. You can get angry with Him. This is O.K. It is expected. I was and still get angry with God. This shocked me as I would never have thought I would rail against God for taking my husband of 44yrs. away from me. I didn't want to be angry with God. But I had to acknowledge that I was. It is part of grief to wish you had paid more attention to your mother's needs and told her to get to the doctor. this is normal grief. No one of you could do anything. this was a sudden death. Your mother loved looking after you all as her children and would not have expected anything in return. This is what mother's do. They ignore their own needs and concentrate on their children. Don't feel guilty. Mother's are much happier when they are giving and giving and giving to their children. A mother never feels depleted. Her love comes from God and she just keeps giving it out and she is happy all the time. Hold onto this. I lost my mother 9 years ago. I got to the hospital late and she died. I was beside myself with grief. I was going to visit her. she ran to the bus station to get the details for my travel. I didn't make it. I wasn't able to go. I instead remember the week I spent with her months before and I am thankful for this. I feel sad. It is only now I can put her picture up on the wall. it has taken 9 years. I hope all works out well for you all as a family and this loss of your mother will pull you together and not apart as can happen in some families grieving. Best wishes.

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