An unstoppable flow of tears

I’m 25 and my beautiful mother died unexpectedly in August 2012. Its been over 6 months now but I still cant stop crying. I seemed okay for a few months at the beginning of this year, but about four weeks ago I started to feel really low and the crying started again. I cry all the time. I miss her so much and I don’t know what to do. I still cant believe that she’s really gone. It all happened so quickly and without any warning. Mum was fit, healthy and strong. We had no idea anything was wrong; she died of an aneurism at the age of 50.

Mum was my best friend and she always said that I was hers. I miss her so much. I need to talk to her about so many things, I want so much to hear her voice again and to get her advice and guidance on things. I really dont feel that I can cope without her. I don’t feel as though I can do anything at the moment. I just want to go home each day and do nothing.

I cant cope with my studies at uni, everything seems too hard. I feel like I’m under all this pressure and I don’t know what to do. People keep telling me that the pain will ease, that I will be happy again one day. But at the moment, it doesn’t feel like life will ever get better. I feel miserable, upset and fragile all the time. I miss my mum so much, how am I ever meant to live without her??

Comments for An unstoppable flow of tears

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Apr 06, 2013
Me too!
by: Linda

I am 47 years old and I lost my mother on August 21, 2012, therefore, I know your pain. It hurts so much and people are telling me the same thing. I just keep calling on GOD and he has help me make it this far. I know he will do the same for you. Now, I am telling you this because I know exactly what you are going through. My mother and I are (were) very close. She had her own house and shared it with my brother, but six out of seven days she was with me. She always told me I was a good daughter for spending so much time with her. I find peace in that and all that she taught me as a child. She was more than my mother, she was my father, my friend, and my everything. I can not seem to let her go, I do not want to. Please pray for me too and I will pray for you also. GOD is good all the time...

Linda N.

Apr 05, 2013
Hang in there
by: Gary

The roller coaster ride of grief is unpredictable and even scary at times. This is all normal and the phases of grief have taken over your life. I found by giving into grief worked the best. You are normal like us but just be assured you will get over it and life will be good again. I found my pain a way of showing respect to my my lost one. If it hurts this much it only proves how much we care and miss them. Hang in there and god bless!

Apr 04, 2013
An unstoppable flow of tears.
by: Doreen U.K.

I agree with Teri. You could be in depression and need to take this seriously. Get good support. Don't just put up with feeling low and think you will get over it. YOU WON'T. Good advice from Teri is to see a Therapist/Counsellor. I did this for myself some years ago. I read self help books and this helped and took me so far. I then needed 1:1 therapy. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I moved forward and developed skills I was able to interact with daily and this helped my family also. I WAS A DIFFERENT PERSON. I was just surviving till age 40. After this life began for me for the first time. I haven't looked back. I see this as a good investment in better mental health. I then went on to give 8yrs. voluntary work in mental health. I know what depression can do. I know what it feels like to be DEPRESSION FREE. You just need to get the right therapist. I was very desperate and couldn't cope. Had I not had therapy some years ago I would not have been able to cope with losing my husband of 44yrs. 11 months ago to cancer. I feel very low some days. But I am coping better. I hope this helps you to know you are not alone and that life will get better with the right support and TIME.

Apr 03, 2013
I understand
by: Only daughter

How I understand how difficult it is to stop tears flowing.
My darling mum died 10 months ago unexpectedly too and I like you, am raw with grief.
A close mother-daugher relationship is such a beautiful bond that I found only those who have shared this unique relationship and have lost it can empathise.
It helps me to remember just as mum gave so much love and support to me - I hopefully enriched her life too.
When memories stir be thankful that your mum was blessed with the knowledge that you, her daughter loved her so.
I have not had success with grief counselling that others advised. My strengh has come from this web site and also friends I have met at a literature group.
Is it possible for your tutors to extend your course so you can restart it when you feel stronger? In the meantime I hope you can found a good support group or develop a skill/interest such as playing a musical instrument or learning a language that does not have the pressure of exams at the end.
May your cherished memories sustain you.
With every good wishX

Apr 03, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

You are facing RAW GRIEF in its fullest. You will feel like not wanting to do anything for perhaps months. Which is why it is so very difficult for students. It will affect your studies. Grief is like an assault on the body physically, mentally, and emotionally leaving you drained for a days, weeks, and months.
Crying is good because it means you are grieving well and on your way to HEALING. Healing is a slow process. You really need to worry if you can't cry.
The best you can do is to try some grief counselling which should take the edge off the pain of grief and at least help you move forward a bit so you can at least carry on with your studies.
If you feel you can't even study, then talk this over with your tutors so that they can advise you what is the best step to take. You don't want to fail your Year or push you back because you just pushed yourself too hard to cope and find this worked against you.
Well meaning friends will tell you it will get easier because even if it does it is the easiest thing to say to someone. But it is not appropriate to say this to you at the stage you are in. You are too upset to hear this now. But keep this in mind for the future because this is what will get you through the hard times. Just knowing you won't stay in this painful state forever is reassuring.
An aneurysm is a time bomb and when it bursts one has little chance of survival. Some people can't even make it to the hospital. My brother-in-law was in hospital and his aneurysm burst. He was one of the lucky one's who survived. Shortly after this my husband died of cancer. I know only too well how painful grief is. I lost my husband 11 months ago and I am still facing the early stages. Something e.g. a memory, song, handwriting, type of food can trigger off emotion in us and leave us crying for some time. None of us knows when it will start, stop, or end. It can strike us anywhere. Even in the shower, bank, bus, train, anywhere. Don't feel embarrassed. Don't apologise for how you feel, or to show emotion. When you get a cut you bleed. Grief cannot be seen, but it is felt deep in our soul and we have no control over this pain or expression.
May God comfort and strengthen you through your grief till you can find your way back in life.

Apr 03, 2013
An unstoppable flow of tears
by: Sob

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer in july last year, one week after my 24th birthday. I know your pain. I can relate to each and every word you say. What happened to us is unfair. The pain is just too much to bear. Like you, I just can't imagine my life with out her. Each day I wonder how will I continue living with out mom. My day started and ended by looking at her innocent face. We shared everything together but now we won't be able to share anything with each other. Sometimes even crying doesn't help. Take one day at a time. The loss of losing a mum is so huge that it takes time to begin feeling a bit normal again. Till now I can't smile and laugh. I just can't. I don't know how long things will continue this way. But all I'll say to you is to do things that your mum would have wanted you to do. You may find peace in that. If you believe that she is watching you then make her proud of you. The pain will never go away. We may just learn to live with it. Since we don't really have any other choice here.
I send you my love and hugs.

Apr 03, 2013
Losing a Mother
by: Teri

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my mother-in-law 11/20/12, and in many ways was closer to her than my own mother. My partner and I still can't come to terms with it. Grief, bereavement can last 1-2 years under even "normal" circumstances. You sound like you really need to see a professional for therapy, or go to a support group to talk with others who can share and understand what you are going through. It definitely can interfere with your daily life, school, work, etc. You may have depression on top of your grief. I can say this because I am a nurse, and also have a mental health background. I would just really encourage you to seek as much support as possible; even when you just want to go home and do nothing. You are vulnerable and need to be around those who care and can lift you up as much as possible. I wish there was a specific time frame to say you will feel better in a month, but everyone is different. Just know that others share your sorrow and understand how difficult it is to get past the initial stages of grief. Good luck, reach out, and don't be alone.

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