On Jan 29th of this year I got the call every parent fears more than anything in this world. My son had OD'd and was gone. He wasn't found for about 90 minutes so there was no hope in resuscitating him. I was in Alabama and he was in Texas. I couldn't go to him, all I did was scream for what seemed like a very long time. The days that followed were like a dream I couldn't wake up from. Andrew had a long history of drug abuse, he had been in drug court as a juvenile, to no avail, eventually he was kicked out after 3 urine screens that were positive. He joined the Army in lieu of being on probation, which the court agreed to. During that time he met and married a young girl who immediately got pregnant while they were in Korea. The marriage was not really very stable from the very beginning as they were both so immature and she already had another child 4 months old when he met her. Ultimately he was discharged early from the Army because of positive drug screen. No matter what he did drugs were always what controlled his life. He was good at convincing me he wasn't using and now looking back I see how much in denial I was because I believed him when he told me he wasn't doing drugs anymore. Andrew had a very high IQ and was able to talk about any subject, he played guitar and sang, and was very sweet and laid back.. He had a smile that would melt your heart. He loved his kids with all his heart. He just couldn't stop doing drugs no matter how hard the tried. He would go cold turkey many times and be really really sick but he would stick it out until he was clean. He did not want to be an addict, but he just couldn't stop. Every-time something good would happen in his life it would always fall apart and he would turn back to drugs. My heart is broken beyond repair, I have spent the last 8 months reading book after book on the Afterlife, went to a special therapist who helps you make contact, and now I'm in therapy every week. There is nothing on earth in the human experience that can compare to losing a child. I wanted to die every single day for months, not because I didn't want to live, but because the pain was unbearable. My Mom died Aug 28th, just one month ago and now I am dealing with that too. I am desperate for some kind of hope, help, sign, that they are still with us. I have had some really remarkable things happen, but I can't go into it here. I don't understand God anymore, why did he take my Mom so soon after losing my son? How are people supposed to cope with so much pain without wanting to end it all? I feel like my life will never be worth living again. I have a wonderful husband and another adult son who is also in therapy. Yet I can't even function anymore, I feel like I am stuck in this ocean of grief and there is no way out. Everyone keeps telling me I have to let go, what does that mean? How do you let go of half of your soul? I walk around feeling like I have no direction, no compass to guide me out of this dark place. Thanks for letting me tell my story. My heart goes out to all of you who know exactly what I'm talking about. I still can't look at his pictures so I can't post his pictures yet.