Angel in disguise - Stella

by Mary
(Manchester)

My beautiful Angel Stella died this morning at the university Animal Hospital Liverpool. She was only 7 years old. Stella had an amazing spirit and so much courage she was an inspiration to me. She had a heart of gold and had such a lovely personality. She started losing the power in her hind legs in September and this spread to her front legs in December till she was paralysed. She never lost heart, still loved cuddles, playing, bones and most of all belly rubs. She was enjoying her food and was in good spirits. She was normal in every way but could not walk. My dad paid thousands on having a mri scan spinal tap blood test urine test etc to try and help her and find out what was wrong. She went to the University Hospital on Tuesday for one more test to get to the bottom of her condition EMG nerve conductor test and biopsies but she got poorly there and was diagnosed with pancreatitis. The vet rang me while Stella was under anaesthetic and ask me did I want to put a feeding tube in her she said it would be best as a precaution in case she did not eat when she came round. She also asked if I wanted to go through with nerve test/biopsies that we could leave it till next week and put her under anaesthetic again then I said best do it now while she is under as I want no further testing after this. The vet rang me later to say they had complications with the feeding tube it did not go in the best so she put her on pain meds and antibiotics. I feel so guilty she suffered more than she should have poor thing as she died 2 days later from a blood clot. The nerve test ,biopsies and feeding tube we all done for nothing they just caused my beautiful baby more suffering and I'm riddled with guilt. I just can't stop crying thinking of her in a cage in a strange place dying and I was not there. It is killing me inside I just want to hide from the world everything has lost so much meaning. I don't know how I'm going to go to work on Monday I just want to be on my own but then I can't stop thinking. We seen her body as we had it brought back to the house one last time just to give her one more cuddle kiss and belly rub. I'm so devastated I am bawling my eyes out writing this. I hope someone can help. This is so so hard my heart has been smashed with a sledgehammer. I love you Stella please help me to feel your nearness and your special love. Till we meet again my angel watch over me.xx

Comments for Angel in disguise - Stella

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Apr 03, 2015
hindsight is 20/20 - This is so true
by: Mary

Hi I'm so sorry you are going through heartbreak after losing your special animal companion Tama. I had never heard the phrase hindsight is 20/20 so I looked it up how true it is. The future is unpredictable and out of our control I keep reminding myself I did the best I could for Stella with the information I had at that moment in time. It is easy to beat ourselves up with the what ifs but our beautiful animal companions would not want to see us so heartbroken they brought us so much joy and love in their short lifetimes. I believe that nothing can destroy love and we still have a connection to our beautiful pet's who have temporarily left our sides. We have to work through our grief and let the tears flow for our beloved pets but also tap into our joy and love for them in our hearts. Since Stella's passing I keep seeing her name everywhere and heard songs on the radio with her name in I think it is a little sign from her saying I'm still here mum but you just can't see me yet. Sending you peace of mind and heart and healing thoughts.xx

Apr 01, 2015
Hindsight is always 20/20
by: Anonymous

I stumbled onto this site after I lost my cat to illness two days ago. My cat, Tama, went through something Stella went through during her last days. Lots of tests and different treatment for her illnesses. You always wonder if you did enough for your pet or if the medical tests/treatment was too much. My daughter put it aptly, the hindsight is always 20/20.

It's two months since Stella's passing, and I hope you are finding some peace. I hope to find some too, but at this moment, the pain is still unbearable.

Feb 23, 2015
I lost my angel too
by: Mary

My heart goes out to you too for losing your special angel Bailey. You did the best you could for Bailey he was so lucky to have you in his life. In the moments of heartbreak and tears cling to all the precious happy memories you made with Bailey. Feel comforted that Bailey is at peace now and the connection you have with him can never be broken nothing can destroy love. I have been letting the tears flow for Stella. We cry so many tears for our furry companions because we love them so so deeply. The world will never be the same without our angels but our lives would never have been the same if they had not been part of it. I truly believe we will be reunited with our beloved pets when the time is right. Wishing you peace and healing.x

Feb 15, 2015
Lost my angel too
by: Anonymous

Sorry for your loss. I'm in the same situation as you and feel your pain. I had to make the most painful heart wrenching decision of letting my angel go a day ago. I came to this page as I am struggling to cope. My angel Bailey was 15. He was mostly healthy apart from being slightly deaf, cataracts in his eyes. 3 days ago he started vomiting, pooing all over the house, stopped eating and drinking. I knew things weren't good. The vet suspected pancreatitis and suggested blood tests, ultrasounds, biopsies and I knew that would lead to possibly surgeries and more suffering. We did an ultrasound as I felt I owed it to him to at least find out. The vet found that he probably had cancer of the liver, spleen and testes. We decided not to put him through it, at his age he prob would not have survived the anaesthesia.
My heart aches. The world looks different now In such a horrible way. Lifeless empty sad.i want him back so bad.
I pray that you and I and all that feel this pain find relief. I know I will love and miss him forever and ever. My sweet sweet angel.

Feb 08, 2015
Thank you
by: Mary

Thank you Doreen for your words of comfort and encouragement. You are a kind person with such words of wisdom. I know we only see a small part of the picture and God see the full image in technicolor. Everything happens for a reason. We can rack our brains trying to understand why this has happened but only God knows the answer. All I know is that God wants what is good for us he is for us not against us. He is in control we are in the palm of his hand safe and secure. He knows our inner most thoughts and the working of our heart's. He picks up the pieces of our broken hearts and puts them back together with his healing love he catches all our tears. Not one tear fall to the ground without him knowing. He loves all his creation. I trust him and I know deep down in my heart I will see my loved ones again both human and furry companions. Nothing can destroy love not even death. I wish you every happiness and blessing on your journey Doreen. I just wanted to thank you for spending the time and effort to get back to me it is so much appreciated.

Jan 27, 2015
Angel in disguise - Stella
by: Doreen UK

Mary I am so sorry for your loss of Stella. There is no way you would have put Stella under all those procedures had you known the outcome. In life we take a risk when it doesn't work out we automatically go through the guilt mode, almost slaughtering ourselves for the decisions we made.
Turn this around and realize that you took a risk in a positive way to make Stella better. You did nothing to make her worse. Sadly under an operation anything could happen.
My husband took the risk to have Chemotherapy. He thought Chemo would cure him. but it didn't. he was in denial and his cancer was terminal. But I am glad he took the risk to prolong his life. We all do things to make our lives better. It is not easy to process the suffering for the patient. But I think God in His mercy would not allow someone to suffer more than they could bear. Stella would have been too ill to feel her pain. She would have been in and out of consciousness and then slipped away. It is for those left behind that the agony continues. Especially not being present, or saying Good-bye. These are the emotions and feelings we all have to recover from in our grief journey.
After you have grieved your loss which will take time. You will see things so different. Don't stop your living and giving of love to a pet. Continue this cycle of Love. It is the memories that will linger longer. I have had pets and lost them. I am now left with the lovely memories that can never be taken away. I am still glad for these experiences which have added meaning to my life. You will recover from your loss in time.

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