Anger Is Setting In

by Terri
(Marietta, GA)

3 months ago yesterday he died. No warning, no money and no one to help me get through all of this crap. I am ANGRY. I am mad at him for dying and leaving me with absolutely nothing, at my family for expecting me to just get on with my life, at this horrible job market in which I can not find a job, at my kids who I am now left to teach how to be adults ALONE, I am just plain mad at the world. How dare he leave me with all of this to do by myself? Nobody cares that I have just lost my entire life. You are suppose to have time to grieve and go through the belongings when you’re up to it. I had to do it the week he died and move to a new home and live by others rules again as if I were a child because he left me with NOTHING. I just want to hit something or someone. Nobody here understands how I feel. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I am so sick of this.

Comments for Anger Is Setting In

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Apr 16, 2011
anger
by: teresa

i am so sorry i truly know how you feel. my fiance died in feb 2011 he drowned. we lived together his wishes were i was to get the house if something happened to him. well his 2 children had me evicted from the house so they could move in it. he left all his retirement money to his mom and i lost my job of 8 years a week before he died. it was all very overwhelming . i lost my job then him then our home all in the same month. i also have no family for support and very few friends. i believe everything happens for a reason. i take one day at a time. i also pray for the strength to get through each day.

i wish you peace!

teresa

Apr 15, 2011
courage for survival
by: Anonymous

I understand you being scared and angry. Even under the best of circumstances (solid finances and people to lean on) grief is a bitch.
Given the uncertainty of your future you are scared. This is where your true courage for survival will come into play. You are aware of the cards that you have been dealt so, how do you play out this hand to your advantage? I know that it seems impossible. Just take each day as if comes. When things seem too much for you just survive the day. And on a decent day try to figure out how you can get yourself out of this predicament. It wont happen all at once there has to be a game plan to pull it off. And you will be proud of your new independence when you do. Best of luck and come here often to vent.
Remember our motto one breath one step at a time...
HH

Apr 15, 2011
so sorry
by: Linda

I'm so sorry for your pain. I guess I had very different. I lost my husband of 41 yrs. We loved each other very much. We have two grown daughters. They literally had to drag me back to life. I had to sell my house, but it was to large for me to care for. We had some equity but wouldn't last very long. My oldest daughter moved me right in. Her husband said he was so happy to raise their children with their nanna being here with them. The grief takes a lot energy, and it hard some days but some seems easier. My husband and I were just 58yrs. old I feel we should have had many more years. It's almost a year now and I'm sure all the anniversaries will be hard, but I thank God for our girls and grandchildren. I hope each day will be easier for you. Draw strength from children, friends or clergy anyone that you can. Linda

Apr 13, 2011
Mad mad world
by: Judy

I wish I could be closer to where you are so we talk in person. Anger is often a cover emotion for other feelings, and in your case I suspect it might be fear. It is very scary to be left abruptly with huge responsibilities, no money no job ,no prospects and no one to help you. That would terrify anyone. When you add to it the conflicting emotions that come along with grief it's no wonder you are mad at the world. Truthfully, the world is a pretty uncaring place for new widows and although I hate to tell you this, the world will care less over time. So do what you have to do to brace yourself-get counseling, talk to your pastor, find a widow support group and there is always us here who truly know how you feel and are staggering along this rocky path of grief with you. Maybe your family just needs to be told what you need-I suspect they have no idea and are confused by your anger since, although it is a very common emotion in the widowed, it doesn't fit the prototype of the brave widow carrying on. As for your kids, they are probably very confused over the loss of their dad and the changes in you. Don't worry you will do a fine job of raising them alone. Believe that. You just live one day at a time and eventually things will get better. You might not even notice it at first but one day you will realize that things are not as bad as they were. You can do it. You are strong and brave. Just take one day at a time.

I hope tomorrow is better than today.

JM

Apr 13, 2011
I know it all too well .....
by: Gio

Terri,
My heart and prayers are with you today and for the rest of the time you read this, I hope you do. I lost my mother less than a month ago, no chance to say good-bye or tell her that I loved her more than anything in this world. She died in her sleep, just never woke up again and we just celebrated her 60th birthday 4 days prior. I know and feel your pain-believe me, I do! I got in an incident last night because of my anger and wanted to retaliate. I didn't even know it was that anger that I have been bottling up inside till after I spoke to my therapist. I am trying very hard to put into practice the love my mom displayed to us and to everyone else in this case and to honor her with doing good and being good to others. In the end I know she wouldn't want me to be nasty to others anyways. That was not her style. Let me know if there's anything or if you just need someone to talk to .... Make it a good one. Giovanni - my email address is: kvtvaruba@yahoo.com

Apr 13, 2011
anger is setting in
by: jules

Terri - he hasn't left you with nothing - he has left you with your children, your memories of the good times together - please don't be angry, it is a waste of emotion - I know it is hard - don't blame anyone - it is the hand you have been dealt - the time you spend being angry could be time you spend preparing yourself for work worthy of you, time to spend with your children - they have lost their father - they are probably confused - needing re-assurance from you.

Please use this site as often as you need, the wonderful people on here do understand, they do listen, they do care.
Remember every day - one step, one breath
take care
jules

Apr 12, 2011
Yes......Anger
by: TrishJ

Terri~
You have a perfect right to feel like you do. Your entire life has just blown up in your face. Who wouldn't be pissed off?!! Don't let anyone tell you that you are being selfish for feeling the way you do. You are human. You have suffered one of life's greatest losses. On top of it you have financial problems. Same here. We're in the same boat. I lost my husband and my home the same month. I quit my job to care for my husband. I have no husband, no home, no health insurance. All I have is my faith to get me by.

Some days seem so dark ~ all the days are lonely ~ and I'm frightened. Scared as hell.
I sat for two months in a total state of shock. What happened to my life? I don't want to be here without my husband. I don't know if I'll be able to find a job.
I don't know if it brings you any comfort but you are not alone. There are many people in your situation. It sucks!!

We do the best we can. That's all anyone can expect of you. Don't try to do it alone. There is help available. Try your county health department for some grief counseling and financial support. They should be able to direct you for help. Talk to God. Life can really seem cruel sometimes. You've been hit hard there's no doubt about it. Ask your friends and family to help.

When life seems the darkest sometimes there is a sudden ray of hope. Don't give up. Your children need you. You need to be good to yourself.
God's blessings to you. I hope you find some relief soon.

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