Angry he's gone

My dad passed away 18months ago now and I'm still at a loss. We were close but not as close as I now wish we were I used to deal on the fone 2-3 times a week ( I worked away from home ) I used to see him once a month sometimes more sometimes a bit less I loved him deeply we went on holidays just me and him . But he had a drink problem I went to his house and found he could barely walk he was sober but didn't look very well at all I took him to the local hospital (fri bank holiday weekend) thinking he was going to get treated but on the Monday I was taken aside and told he had cirrhosis , sepsis, pneumonia, lost control of his bowels, a grade 2 pressure sore they were also convinced he had cancer but he was to poorly to have the tests done a couple of hours later he also started with an internal bleed they decided to stop all medication that night and that's when I realised I had to get my brother home from Australia needless to say my brother arrived on the Wednesday afternoon and my dad passed Wednesday evening I am still questioning everything but most of all why didn't he tell me things were so bad or why didn't I notice ? I'm so angry with myself 5 days of my life I will never forget the undo notional love ripped out if my heart and sitting there wanting to do something but not being able to every time I left the bed side even for a cig he would take a bad turn I love my dad so much I just want him back just so I can say goodbye properly

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Mar 27, 2014
by: Anonymous

I don't know wat to say to this other than thank u and I'm sorry for your loss sending hugs xxx

Mar 27, 2014
Angry he's gone
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. Men on the whole deal with illness differently, but a Dad would somehow arrive at the time of his life where he would be accepting and not want to trouble his children before it was necessary. Anger is part of grief. I have had my share of anger and had to work through this. Emotions and feelings are complicated and sometimes one doesn't want to be so open and share their illness with anyone else. Your father sounds like a private person. But he doesn't know that it has now caused you such pain you endure and have a battle with. It takes time to let go of anger. If you are still struggling, you may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. Just talking things through can help anger evaporate and doesn't affect you again. I am glad your brother made it over from Australia in time to say his good-byes. When my mother-in-law was dying she hung on so her son (my husband) could make it back from an overseas job. My husband has now died 22 months ago from a deadly cancer and so I grieve also. It is a hard battle and journey of grief.
My mother had two sisters. One lived in America and they hadn't seen each other in over 60yrs. But my aunt made the journey in time before her elder sister died. She was not able to talk to her or know her personality from a conversation. But she got to be there. I think this is important even if you never get to verbalise your good-byes your presence there does this.
I sat waiting for a miracle of healing for my husband. He died and I was angry for a long time. I didn't say good-bye. I said see you in the morning. I do believe we will be re-united. My husband was drugged up and perhaps understood everything going on in the room. He put his arm around my neck and pulled me down to him in a tight hug. I wondered what he was doing and said so. I realised after that He knew he was dying and was saying Good bye to me. It does hurt but I can't dwell on it, otherwise it will take me down. Spend time building yourself up, and being kind to yourself in grief. It is a healing experience.

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