My Mum died 4 weeks ago, she was 89 and had dementia, in the last few months she developed gangrene in her foot and was in quite a lot of pain. I live 160 miles away from her so only got to see her every couple of weeks. I was doing fine, dealt with the arrangements then coped with the funeral. I know I was on autopilot and took a few weeks off work to get my head around what had happened. Now I feel ready to go back to work, I am bored at home despite going out every day to clear my head. I find it difficult to talk to my husband about my feelings, he is a good guy and very sensitive to my feelings but there is something keeps me holding back from telling him things. I got a cheque from Mum's bank yesterday with the final settlement of her bank account. I sat down and looked at it, it's not the amount of money large or small its the finality of the cheque, it's like the last thing. We scattered Mum;s ashes and I was ok, everything was on some sort of autopilot and now I feel I have hit a brick wall. Nothing makes sense anymore, I feel what it the point, we are all going to die, we get on with things day to day and seriously why? I am not suicidal, just down, just don't know how to deal with this sudden feeling. I loved my Mum despite how she made me feel, she was stubborn and sometimes downright difficult but she had a good heart and was so lost when my Dad died 15 years ago. I feel I let her down then, but she seemed so together. She was difficult to talk to, very old school, show no emotion or feeling, just get on with things. She would never tell you how she really felt about stuff. Now she is gone it all seems so final, so pointless

Comments for Anne

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Aug 24, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Anne I am so sorry for your loss of your Mum. It is such a hard and difficult loss in the days after the funeral when you start to process your relationship, memories, and pain of loss. None of us knows what this grief feels like till we go through it or how long we will feel down, and then start wondering why we can't move forward. This is normal. Start taking ONE DAY AT A TIME. Embrace those difficult days as normal knowing they won't last. Each day will be different and you won't always feel down.
It is now we start evaluating life in general and our own lives and what is it all for? I lost my mum 11yrs. ago, and it took me 9yrs, to recover from my grief. I grieved more for my mother 2yrs. ago when I lost my husband to cancer. This is my huge and worst loss. I could not function for 6 months. I NURTURED myself back into life. This is all we can do. Treat ourselves special at this time and build ourselves up. Husbands want to comfort their wives and not always easy to talk to when a wife is in so much pain. Best thing to do is to go see a CRUSE bereavement counsellor for support. You will be amazed at how soon you start to feel better and able to take charge of your life again. Grief is a process. Let it do it's work. I am old school and it has many attractive qualities of the "Stiff British upper lip" that conquers and finds strength to go on despite life's adversity. You will have adopted some of those qualities that you will notice now your mother has gone. Embrace this part of your mum and know that she lived to a good age and she is at peace. Sadly we don't get to live forever and Death whilst so very painful is something we don't want but get anyway. So we might as well see it through and cry and grieve the best way we can till the SUN SHINES again for all of us. Life will be different, but not as daunting as you might think, when one doesn't know what to expect after a loss, or from grief.

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