anonymous/sex addiction

by worthlessness

My husband also has a sex addiction , I,v been with him for 22 yr s and he has been unfaithful but in cycles throughout the marriage. The list is endless ,,prostitutes ,chat lines,internet sex , sending photos of himself to women and many other forms of porn . I have never told my family because of the fear they would think bad of him and think he was a pervert as most people would probably agree he is.So far we,v been to relate 3 times it does help but we never changed as a couple and the sex cycle was never broken we just go round in circles .Now you may think I,m weak but I,v fought tooth and nail to keep my marriage and I,m sad to say this final discovery of betrayal may be the end .I feel so alone, sad and am grieving my best friend ,,but was he really? The doctors put me on the sick for a week and I,m seeking tests for STD,s that I should have had done years ago but like a fool I believed every bit of rubbish that came from his mouth and he still denies not having sex with any one else.

The latest was 3 days ago I found numbers and messages on his mobile phone he has admitted to masturbating alone in his car which I find disturbing as we have 2 children 14 and 12 yr s old. if this were to come out or he was caught imagine the humiliation, hurt, emotional upset and damage it would do to the kids and the shame it would bring to the family. He,s admitted he needs help and feels he has an addiction but I just cannot see him being faithful ever and wonder is he kidding himself as he,s admitted to me yesterday he doest know if he can stop thank you for taking the time to read this. x

Comments for anonymous/sex addiction

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Aug 25, 2014
Sex Addiction is real
by: Anonymous

I can relate to your husband as I have been their. Believe me there is no ill intent, it is a genuine addiction. Many tout the religious line satan / devil etc, but the reality is that this is an illness. From my experience it is just a conniving floundering player, it is something that becomes difficult to control.

My marriage imploded due to my addiction. I loved my wife with all me heart but caused her so much hurt with this problem. I have been working hard with therapists and counsellors and addiction specialists.

I can only imagine the pain, but I think you are a very very special woman for staying with your husband through this, many take the easy option and go.

First hand from me with the same problem I can assure you that with the right treatment and a loving supportive family and a strong desire from your husband it can be beaten. The trick really is to make everything he does transparent, no phone passlocks, all internet activity monitored etc. (Software available online) It is hard being a policewoman and wife, but sometimes he may have a close friend or relative who would take on this role.

He has to understand that he must make a serious effort to control himself, and this means monitoring, mentoring and therapy. Generally there are deep rooted issues form child hood or earlier relationships that can cause this trigger, which is really a means of medicating the pain as an escape.

although his behavior is unusual, it can be treated once the cause of his pain is established. There are many sex addiction therapists available .

Nov 16, 2012
Anonymous/sex addiction
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Anonymous, It took you so long to wake up and realize what is happening. You have been focusing on your marriage and what hasn't changed you as a couple that you have not quite faced the reality of the situation. INFIDELITY!!!!!!!!!!!
What part of Infidelity don't you understand? When infidelity happens in a marriage IT IS WRONG?
It is called SIN!!!! God permitted DIVORCE in cases of infidelity. Because God instituted the marriage institution God is not going to CONDONE what your husband is doing and what you are TOLERATING by putting up with infidelity. Say quite simply. NO!! I am not tolerating this infidelity at any price.
I am convinced that there is such a thing as Sex Addiction and that the habit is hard to break. When one opens the door to Pornography they open the door to SATAN and Demons could inhabit a person and this is such a strong force it would need the intervention of a Church Pastor and a lot of Prayer for this SEXUAL SPIRIT to be broken. It has gone on a long time. If your husband wants help he should go to a Church that deals with exorcism and find help there. No amount of counselling can cure him.
There has to be boundaries between parents and children and even extended family. There should not be an unhealthy sharing of what happens between a husband wife with any other person other than a counsellor or a Pastor from a church as these people are in a Professional capacity to deal with such issues. Of course you will suddenly now feel BETRAYED. Your husband's behaviour has caused the mistrust between you and it is his sole responsibility to deal with it. You are a casualty as well as an ENABLER by putting up with this you have bought into this behaviour which make you an ENABLER into his addiction. I don't know if you believe in God. But the first step would be to REPENT of all the Sinful behaviour and what you have tolerated. which makes you an accomplice to His SIN. You would then find some release. You are thus inviting God into the situation. You then seek help from the Church. This is the only best way I can think of helping you. Your children don't need to know the details. No one else needs to know the details. In fact it would harm them, and you would lose RESPECT. Healing can take place if you are both agreed together to take this route. Otherwise you are now the casualty of low self esteem and betrayal and punishing yourself for this. You couldn't save a marriage that is so damaged as this. Only God can since he has called us to live in harmony. He instituted the marriage between a man and a woman. Not more than one man and one woman. This then becomes INFIDELITY and a Sin in God's eyes. Punishable by death if God did nothave mercy on us and call us to Repent and He would FORGIVE. Not to continue in this lifestyle but to FREE YOU FROM IT.

Nov 15, 2012
very sad
by: Anonymous

You need to get your dignity back, and be strong, what are you afraid of, most here in this group have lost a love one, the pain is unbearable, I know you're going through so much for so long, you need to ask yourself when is it enough, I can't take it anymore...he knows that you will stay no matter. Life is so short, why live it miserably. Now if he is willing to get help, to keep your marriage, has he done this, if not, go find yourself listen to your heart, and pray to God to give you freedom of this pain.

Nov 15, 2012
Lack of self control
by: judith in California

It's best you divorce him and cite unreconcilable differences rather than to go into the nasty details of really why.
He doesn't have an addiction hE has Lack of self control and no respect for you or your marriage vows. He just does what feels good at the time and why...becasue he can and he knows you'll put up with it for the kids and to say you stayed married. The marriage is gone what you have is a parent child being the Mother and him the child.

The only thing is that bodes this question to you is Do you think so little of yourself that you would tolerate this. You have to love yourself and those kids more than him .

Oh, he can go get therapy but do you have that kind of time to give him after you gave 22 years while he lied, cheated on you.

I would tell him he can go get therapy on his own and I won't waste one more day on him. But that's me

May God guide you to do the best for you and the children.

The worst thing to do is stay in a sham of a marriage of 22 years is 22 years and one day.

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