Another angle in Heaven and the Brightest star in the darkest of Skies

by Clare
(Liverpool, United Kingdom)

I'm Clare from Liverpool, England. I am 21 years old and i lost the love of my life and my first true love on the 3rd of December 2012. My boyfriend of 7months Thomas, i know its only 7 months that we've been together and how could i know he was the one for me, well i can't explain it i just know he was and still is i knew the moment we set eyes on one another across the bar while he was working.

My tom had finished work on saturday morning around 5am on the 17th november and had gotten a taxi home to his Nan's house where he'd lived and cared for her for 7 years. His nan passed away on the 9th of August 2012. He saw his sister who was still up, she also works in the same bar tom does and was waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. they sat up talking for a little while and He told her that he was going to see me in the afternoon and then said goodnight to caitlin and went to bed.

On the saturday afternoon around 1pm i had sent tom a few text messages and i had tried calling him a couple of times but there was no answer from him. I assumed that he was still asleep or had left his phone on charge and was watching his favourite football team Everton FC on the t.v. I tried a few more times but then left it i assumed he'd call me back when he was ready to. Around 3 or 4pm i had a call from his mum asking if i'd seen or heard from tom. I told her no and that i'd been trying to get hold of him to see if he was still coming down. his mum said not to worry and if she hears from him she'll let me and and me to do the same. I still hadn't heard from tom or his family the rest of the day until i got a call from a police officer at 6:30pm to tell me tom had gone missing and left his, mobile phone, coat and money on his bed. at that point my world just seem to stop and it was such a blur so hard to listen to the police man and to understand what was going on. Tom was texting me the friday night saying how much he loves me and i was texting him the same back which is normal for the 2 of us we are both so soft and romantic together. it was just so not like to to go out without his things. he'd been fine the friday night because i'd been round for tea an his family where there and he was laughing an joking like normal.

For 2 weeks we searched the streets all day and night, i couldn't sleep and i couldn't stop crying just hoping and praying he'd walk back through the door. sadly thats not the case, at 3am tom's body was found in stanley dock and i got the sad and shocking news at 5am by his big brother. I went to identify his body and it was sad knowing i couldn't touch him or hold him one more time and that he'd been found dead was one of the most heartbreaking things to me. I keep asking did he do it himself was the grief of loosing his nan too much for him to bare?, was there something more i could of done for him, or was this a punishment from someone for no reason. Tom is a complete gentle man with a heart of gold and he made me the happiest girl in the world. His mum, dad and the rest of his family and friends keep telling me that i made him the happiest man alive and that they could see that in his face an in his body language he would talk about me none stop . we would tell each other a lot how much we love one another and how lucky and happy we are together.

I just miss him so much the pain is unbearable and suffocating, i feel i'm going to be alone now for the rest of my life now because i'm not the type of girl who goes out drinking and stuff i'd rather not, i was lucky to meet tom that night because i was forced out the night we met, i think that was fate,i usually say no an stay in. So i am so so scared that i've lost my one change of love and a happy life. I don't no what to do any more am i destined to be alone now?

from a heartbroken lonely girl xxx

Comments for Another angle in Heaven and the Brightest star in the darkest of Skies

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 08, 2013
Thank You
by: Clare

Thank you so much for the lovely comments it's so good to know there are people out there who are willing to help and listen, i just wish thomas could be hear to see this. Thank you once again, I know it will take me years to get over the death of my Thomas but hopefully with the right help and with him by my side every step of the way i'll get through it. xx All your words are a comfort to me so thank you xx

Jan 06, 2013
Another angel in Heaven and the Brightest star in the darkest of Skies
by: Doreen U.K.

Clare I am sorry for your loss of your boyfriend Thomas to a sudden death from a tragic accident. I replied from your post to someone else and didn't know you posted your own story so please forgive me if I repeat myself.
I lost my husband 8 months ago after being together 47yrs. in total. 44yrs. of those married. I have the same feelings as you do about being with the person that you felt was for you. You were HAPPY and both planning a life together and tragically you lost him. Because he left his belongings behind would tempt you to think this was not an accident. It is so easy for the mind to ponder and try to work things out, and harder to never have the answer to the mystery of his death. The type of death will affect how you grieve. You could benefit from seeing a CRUSE bereavement counsellor to help you work out your feelings around this sudden death and the mystery of it that has left you with questions you have no answers to. You will be supported in the best way. Because you are grieving you will quite naturally think that because you and Tom was so right for each other that you are destined to not find happiness again with anyone else. It is too early to process this thought now in the midst of grief. Which is why if you saw a grief counsellor the support would eventually help you work out where you are at and you would probably help you to not put your life on HOLD. You would LIVE your life better and not stop yourself being happy again in the future, however this may unfold. Because your grief is so painful and intense you will find it harder to move forward and people around you may not be so understanding. You will move forward when you are ready. No person can dictate this to you. We each go through our own valleys with our GRIEF, but with the right support it will be a lot easier. As I said in my first post. I have been out today at a show. I made the effort. I didn't want to let my daughter down. I enjoyed the distraction of doing something different. But all through this show I couldn't get my husband off my mind. I was wishing he was there to share this show. I felt sorrowful. But I also felt the happiness around me from children who were part of the fun and made the surroundings a pleasant one. So even in moving forward we will endure difficulties with our grief. We didn't cause our Grief, and we can't FORCE OUR HEALING. It will take however long we need to find HEALING. I wish you Peace and Comfort in your sorrow and grief.

Jan 06, 2013
Keep chipping away ..
by: Anonymous

Claire you poor girl that is heartbreaking ... I can,t even imagine your pain ...

Make sure your getting help and keep chipping away at your happiness it will return its what your love would want ... He would hate to see you sad so make him proud make yourself proud and make sure you get all the help you can

Little by little by little it will get better ... Xx

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!