Another Birthday Come and Gone
Hello world, it's my second birthday without Billy and I survived. I think my mother had a plan of keeping me busy as she could and deep down wanted me to have a good day.
We started at the Doctors (her's just an in and out this to do) and then breakfast at Ihop.
She had been talking of a new place at the Mile long Shops at Plant Hollywood called Lobster ME ~ being my mother from Maine she's love's lobster and they boast a wonderful Lobster Roll that she wanted to try. I of course being my mother's daughter also love lobster. We split a sandwich, yum yum and she wanted to do a little slot machines 1 cent being her favorite. We found "The Wizard of Oz". 40 cent a bet, wheels turning and the "Big Event" where you get the bones. Between the both of us we walked out with about a $100 profit. That's good at the casino's on the strip. Then it was off the the movies. "What's Your Number" a romance comedy. It was funny and a chick flick. We still had 1 more stop for the day. Outback for dinner. All in all it wasn't a bad day.
I got 36 Happy Birthday wishes from family, friends and co-workers old and new on Facebook.
Then I was on my way home, I was listening to Elvis Radio on Sirius (Billy's nickname, he was my Elvis and he believed Elvis was still alive ~ guess he really knows the answer to that one huh?) anyway ~ they were playing a song called "Softly As I leave You" ~ its a true story of a man in the hospital dying, his wife staying with him 3 days and nights, but somewhere between midnight and day on the 3rd day she lays next to him on his bed and when he knows she's goes off to sleep at the same time he felt himself start to die and he didn't want her to see him die, so he took his note pad from the side of the bed and he wrote. ~
I will leave you
For my heart would break
If you should wake
And see me go
So i leave you
Long before you miss me
Long before your arms
Can beg me stay
For one more hour
Or one more day
After all the years
I can't bear the tears
As i leave you there
It was another "Godwink" for me. The haunting of Billy leaving me during the day when I was at work has surrounded me constantly. The "if only's" really took it's toll. But listening to this love of a man to feel in the end the pain he didn't want her to feel and let her know how much he loved her and would always love her help me understand Billy leaving me when he did.
So I end this day with a smile and tears, happy for the love of family and friends, tears for my Billy gone and me still here, waiting...
I miss him more then can be imagined but I know I will be with him again at the end. Only time keeps us apart.
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year