Another Lesson Learned

by Allison

It is coming on three years now since Kent left this life. I have kept very busy and am blessed with a close family and many dear friends but the emptiness is always present. At this point I accept this will be a constant for the rest of my life. During the past two weeks I was very sick with bronchitis (I'm seldom ill) and as the days passed with no one home to take care of me, I became more and more emotional about how physically alone I am. No one to prepare a meal or bring meds or walk the dog or just straighten up the bed sheets. Because I felt so sick I felt really bad. It was another pity party of one. Many follks live alone and have to be their own caretakers during illness but this was my first go round. I am better now and discovered another strength. I really can do it! I'd sure rather not - Kent really took good care of me whenever I was sick during our 43 years together - but during this never ending journey through grief I discovered another strength. It's a small thing in the big picture but for now a big thing in my small picture.

Comments for Another Lesson Learned

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Sep 14, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

HI Allison,
Yes, the emptiness is always there, I for one will never get used to it, coming back to a cold empty house, no matter how you have spent the day in trying to forget the sadness, is horrible..
You say its three years since Kent died and you have found strengths you never thought you had, strangely we even surprise ourselves at times
I am doing things I wouldn't have dreamt of before my beloved wife died.
I was never a card player yet I joined the local bridge club and it took me over twelve months to master this very complicated game and I have so much more to learn.
I write books and play my musical instruments; I am having violin lessons every week.
My violin must have been very surprised to be taken out of its case and dusted down after seventy years, but I don’t think it would understand if I told it that I much preferred holding this beautiful fourteen year girl than scraping away on its strings.
I am thankful for it now and it’s amazing you never really forget to play; I guess it’s like riding a bicycle.
My very precious wife died on Christmas Day 2012 and I promised my family that we would never be here on that terrible anniversary when we all watched in horror as the medics did CPR on her, without success.
Last year I took everybody to Disney Florida but I carried my deep anguish with me and I hated every minute of it.
This year I am taking us all on a Caribbean cruise, I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be better, I think I will, but there will probably be lots of single elderly men and women also trying to forget their grief for a few weeks. and I hope,many sessions of bridge, I know I will be fine.
So Allison, you say that you are blessed with having close family and friends, the word BLESSED is so apt, what on earth we would have done without them, and also this wonderful “DEATH OF A SPOUSE”. Web Site.
The comments of sympathy and advice saved me when I was so bereft after losing my precious wife after seventy years; it was like being half a Siamese twin, but as you can see, I fill my days but still come back to spend a very lonely evening.
I hope your health is improving and no more setbacks.
Take care

Sep 08, 2014
This journey called life
by: June

Hi Allison
My Mike has been gone 2 1/2 years tomorrow. Not sure how I've gotten through it but somehow I have.
I remember you honouring your husband on the anniversary, I copied you and had a family dinner on the first anniversary...I decided to not do that again and let the second year go by...

Sept. 5th would have been our 44th anniversary so I remembered Mike, by myself, kayaking on the river. I felt at peace for a short time.

Yes, it is surprising what we can do on our own, I don't like it and miss him so much but am so glad we had 42 years together. The saying "you don't know what you had until it's gone" is so true.

Thinking of you and the rest of the people going through this journey.

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