Another Month gone by

by Pat
(Fl)

On May 20th it will be 8 months since my son died. Again this week is very emotional leading up to the 20th. Everytime I think Im taking steps forward I get stopped in my tracks again.I know there will always be a part of me that died with him but does it ever really get easier or less painful ? Will I ever be able to have a day without tears ? Right now the future looks just as painful & sad as it is today. My friends, my son's friend & even my kids avoid me.I know I depress everyone but I just can't be the fun loving ready to go person I was 8 months ago.I even noticed some of my friends on facebook have deleted me. The bad part is I really don't care.

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May 31, 2011
This helps.....thank you......:)
by: Barb

As part of this hellish club.....I must concur that sharing this pain with others helps....one month at a time... one breath at a time..... it's the same for me. When Adam, my 2 yr old died - drown - in 1994....I was a young mother with 2 other children to care for cope with - help to grieve...help to deal etc.... I was an inspiration....."your so strong"... blah blah blah. I don't remember that woman, I become someone else.....I don't remember much about those years, but kept him tucked into my heart, still talk about beautiful Adam.

Now, I am re-living that raw devastating pain with the loss of my oldest son, David. He had just turned 21, when after a series of unfortunate events, and a lot of missed and non-communications.... he went off a bridge..... No one knew, no one told his family that he was in crisis, and he was a missing person, I walked the streets of the city he was going to school in, searching, hoping , desperate that maybe he had just lost his way and he would find some compassionate souls to help him....for one month. He missed his brother.

That was not to be......his body washed to shore one month later. gone: May 30, found: June 30, remembered Aug 30..... It is 2 years today.
I'm still breathing one breath at a time, the tears still flow -- I chose to be kind, gentle and patient - take time for myself on regular basis -- do.the.work...usually on the 30th of the month....but any day will do.. show my now 17 year old daughter, Olivia what grief looks like - no shame- help her. God help her.

My husband's broken heart has turned.to.stone...

There are still things - people - situations that I could give a rats ass about.... and that's OK.

At least in this walk in Hell-- we are not alone.

peace and love to all of your souls....here and wherever.......
Barb

May 20, 2011
"If You're Going Thru Hell...Keep Going"
by: Dakota Blues

Feb was the 3rd anniversary burying my youngest daughter. She had just turned 25 years old and her death was shocking - suicide.

I, too, lost friends but I have gained new friends too. If and when I do get out...which I don't too much...I rarely bring my daughter into the conversation. For me...it is only "safe" to talk about my daughter with family.

So many parents bury children. I had no idea. I agree with the posts here that we should express our grief here, or on other sites such as this, and support groups. Unless one joins "this living hell club" ....they just don't know. Thank GOD the parents that just don't KNOW!!

The home page here has this quote..."If you're going through Hell....Keep going." --Sir Winston Churchill.

I recently came across information on Stephen Ministry's. I spoke with a church that has Stephen Ministers and I am on a waiting list. I am encouraged to learn about this one-on-one support.

A Stephen Minister *amazingly* walks with the bereaved for as long as it takes. Compassion for hurting people takes on a whole new meaning after learning about this group of people serving their communities.

I can say that I believe my life will find joy again. That "new" joy will live along side of the pain that will never go away. I have yet to experience "joy" for hours - but I do see "light" returning. Most of the time I feel and act crazy! - LOL - I am starting to laugh at myself during the day when I think of all the crazy things I do and say. Feeling crazy is normal.

I found grief doesn't knock...it just shows up. It is a roller coaster ride. I have to make a decision to live again....we all do! A friend of mine was killed in an auto accident earlier this month. It is another wake-up call that our days are (so) numbered. I have to try a wee bit harder, each day, to live.

I recently started to read again one of my favorite books on grief- "When the Bough Breaks." Parents who had at least 5 years behind them were interviewed. Some parents said they become empowered by the loss of their child. The POWER OF SURVIVING HELL.

"The fear of the unknown is behind us...because we have already taken a long look at hell."

One Day at A Time - Just for Today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly - but I will have it.

Hugs ~ You are feeling normal!! I think this website works! Keep posting!!!

May 19, 2011
I lost my son too
by: Connie

Be kind to yourself what you are going thru is so normal, I have lost my son will be almost 2 years. People avoid me too and to be honest I don't care at this point, you find yourself a good grief group either online, grieving parents.com is an excellent one and you surround yourself with people that understand what you are going thru there are tons of us out there really they are. Cry as often as you need to and tell your story as often as you can its the only way to survive the worse thing that can happen to a parent.

May 18, 2011
GRIEF
by: Shirley

I go to the Compassionate Friend's meetings every month. I started three weeks after Dimitri died last August. Many of them are "veterans". They have lost children many years or months ago. They all tell me that the pain will always be there but it won't hit you as often. It will always hit hard but the times between will lengthen. I know they are right. They've "been there, done that". I just wish that this would happen sooner rather than later but I guess I just have to remain patient. I miss my son desperately. Sometimes it hurts so much I can barely breathe. All I can say is "one step-one breath" at a time.
Hugs

May 18, 2011
I know how you feel!
by: Ilana

I just marked the first death anniversary of my mother who passed away from ovarian cancer. She was only 68. I have lost many friends in this process. It's almost like they're afraid to approach us and talk to us because some people actually get tired of hearing about our grief. Unless you have been through it, you don't understand what the other person is going through. We are all here for you! I'm on Facebook under (Ilana Epstein Rabone) if you want to friend me! I would love to talk to someone who is going through what I'm going through and we can give each other support. I'm sure with time, your friends will come back to you.

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