april, my love

by DEBORAH
(BLUEISLAND ,ILL)

I LOST MY DAUGHTER DECEMBER 20TH 2012, SHE WAS HOME ALONE IT APPEARED SHE DIED IN HER SLEEP,I DONT WANT THIS TO BE BUT I KNOWN I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS TRAGIC THING THAT HAS HAPPENED PEOPLE SAY SHE WILL SUFFER NO MORE SHES AT PEACE, BUT I AM NOT, NOT AT ALL I MISS HER I LOVE HER SHE WAS GONE TO SOON THERE IS SO MUCH I WANTED TO SAY AND DO WITH HER ,IT APPEARED WHEN I WOULD TALK TO HER SHE COULDENT HERE ME, OR DID SHE KNOWN SHE WAS GOING TO LEAVE ME ,DID SHE ACCEPT IT SOME HOW IAM SURE SHE NEW ,I NEVER WOULD I FEEL SHE DIDNT FEEL SHE WAS LOVED, AND HER LIFE WAS NOT AT ALL GOOD I CANT REMMEMBER HER EVER BEING HAPPY, I FEEL I DIDNT TRY HARD ENOUGH TO HELP HER THIS IS MY PAIN IF THIS IS NOT SO HOW DO I KNOWN, HOW WILL I KNOWN. MY DAUGHTER WAS 40 YEARS OLD AN ALCHOLIC BEGAN TO GET SICK
I STILL AM IN DISBELEIF THAT SHE HAS LEFT ME , WHY HER WHY ME? HOW TRAGIC THIS ALL IS , I AM PRAYING TO GOD TO PLEASE HELP ME IVE NEVER MISSED AND LOVED ANY ONE SO MUCH SHE HAS ALWAYS CAPTURED MY HEART I DONT EVEN THINK SHE NEW THAT. APRIL I MISS YOU. LOVE MOM

Comments for april, my love

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Feb 08, 2013
Missing April
by: Richard

Deborah, I am so sorry for your loss, but let it be known that you should not feel alone. I have found that there are many unfortunate parents that have lost a child. All that I can tell you is that life will never be the same, and that there is nothing anyone can do to change that. My wife and I lost our beautiful 22 year old Casey in an accidental fall from a fire escape June 3, 2012. That day was also our anniversary. Now our life is forever changed, and now realizing that the worst thing that can happen to a parent is not your own death, but the death of a child. It has been over 8 months, and the daily pain is still very real. Solitude rather than society has been our safe haven. Returning to work has also helped. We have kept Casey's room intact, and have no plans for a change. We are OK with that. It is things like this that I know you are dealing with, and I very much feel your pain, and would like to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss.

Feb 07, 2013
I feel like you wrote, about your dear April..
by: Nevas mom

Lost my 42 year old daughter, a few posts down,,
In June, right aftger her 42 birthday.. what you expressed.. so clearly..about your dear April and the lose of her,, Im so sorry, only you, ,touched my heart. as this is is How I feel over My Neva, I do know this kind of pain... and I wonder if my baby know how much I loved her too,, My life too will never be the same.. Im so sorry you too have to go through this kind of pain.. truly from my heart I am.. .. so sorry dear..

all I can say is YOUR not alone in feeling exactly like you wrote.. about your feelings..

Nevas Momma


Feb 06, 2013
April, my love
by: Doreen U.K.

Deborah I am sorry for your loss of your precious daughter in her sleep. You say she was an alcoholic. She probably used this method of coping with her deep sorrow inside. Of course you feel so desperate and helpless. I am a mother of 3 Adult children and worry about the same issues. ANY ONE OF THEM DYING ON ME. I lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage 10 months ago from cancer so I am dealing with loss. The loss of an Adult Child is just the same as losing a young child. You never outgrow the need to nurture and be there for your children and support them in life. BUT. We have BOUNDARIES. We simply cannot RE-Parent our grown children. They would resent this. WE also could not Rescue them from their CHOICE TO DRINK. I tried to rescue my son at 43yrs and caused myself a Boundary Injury hard to recover from. It is hard for a mother to let her children GO. The Empty nest syndrome is as painful as losing a child to moving away or excluding you from her life. Try and see a grief counsellor who will help support you in this awful pain of loss of a child. Once that pain gets less you will be able to cope better. You will never get over losing a child but you will only learn how in time to live with this tragedy and loss. I can feel your pain. The Sorrow and Grief one feels from losing a loved one is so immense we feel we can't go on in life. Each new day we learn to cope. There will be good days and bad days. Our lives are altered forever. I am now vulnerable to loss. I have to give my children to God to hold otherwise I couldn't survive. I would be worried every day and become paranoid about losing them. This is what death does to us. How Cruel. I hope you have loving family and friends to support you as it makes the grief journey more bearable. May God comfort you in your sorrow and Grief.

Feb 05, 2013
Missing April
by: Sweet Aaron's Mama

Deborah...I lost my Aaron just a few weeks before you lost your sweet April. I am so so very sorry for your loss and your pain. It's so raw and horrible and it just feels like everything is slow motion....coming to this site as helped me somewhat as we all try to reach out to each other because we are ALL HURTING!! I realize now that you don't and won't ever get over it...you just try to get through it. Don't beat yourself up over what you didn't do....YOU LOVED HER and she loved you....We will miss everything about our children and YES we will miss things we didn't get to do with them...But we had them, for awhile and I'm glad that we did...My life will never be the same again and neither will yours, but maybe, just maybe somewhere over the rainbow, we can try to learn how to live again. You will be in my thoughts.....

Feb 05, 2013
I'm sorry for your lost
by: yolanda

I'm so sorry for your lost, it's very hard. My daughter Michelle pass away in her sleep Sept.11,2012 I found her upstairs when she didn't answer I ran to her room and found her peacefully on her bed, I scream Michelle wake up , please Michelle mama loves you I need you. It still hurts so bad, my daughter loved life, her mama, San Antonio SPURS team she was amazing. I feel her around me all the time. I believe their is life after passing. I talk to her all the time, I could even see her at time spiritually. You need to have faith that know God is good and that April is free she is not trap in her body with any addictions, I promise you, April is happy and she couldn't believe the beauty that is around her.. My daughter came in my dream and told me, Mommy be happy for me, please don't be sad, honor me by living each day until one day we will see each other again. April loves you they're no sadness where she at, be happy for your daughter.. This world we live in is crazy, where your daughter is now is paradise! God Bless you, live good and right and believe in God that he is the almighty God who loves you. God knows when we are born and when we pass, when it's your day of passing you will celebrate of seeing your daughter again!!

Feb 05, 2013
Your April
by: Kate

I am so sorry for your pain. In Nov I lost my 39 yr old son. He struggled with alcohol too. I understand your pain and loss. We cannot make our children happy,they see things their own way and it is hard to understand. My heart goes out to you in your loss. I am devastated myself.

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