As everyday goes by, the pain of losing you never dies
(Walsall in England)
I am a 55 year old single 'child' and my Mum died 29 June 2013. Since she died, hardly any of her family have contacted me, although they were at the funeral throwing their weight around as usual.
After Mum died, because we were in ITU and she had all the monitors bleeping and needles in her arm, I had wanted to say goodbye to her and had arranged to visit the Chapel of Rest at Sandwell Hospital. My auntie wanted to come too and I was grateful because I was scared. The morning we were to go, she phoned me and said she could not come because her dog Mimi had to have her coat trimmed. I was too much of a coward to go on my own. Memories of how Mum's family had been cruel to us both after Dad died came flooding back.
My friends have tried to be there for me and have sent me emails. The people at work have been great too. I am having trouble getting the life insurance money though, which has plunged me into serious debt because there were no savings to pay for the funeral. Mum frequently cancelled the life insurance policies I had taken out because I was concerned there would not be any savings for funerals for either of us. She finally relented with the last policy, but they are dragging their feet. It is now 15 November 2013 and Mum died in June 2013 - still no insurance money.
I think that I have been through most of the stages of grief but had hoped I would be coming out of it, but I can't. Every day gets worse and although I love God and believe there is an afterlife, I am wishing my own life away. My fiance Ivan died two short years ago and Mum was there for me. Her words were always so comforting.
Her family seem to have turned their backs on me and I feel they blame me for her sudden death from Pneumonia and heart attack. Mum had severe arthritis and I always tried to take her out every Saturday to Walsall for a shopping trip - we used to look forward to our time together. I work full time in Birmingham and I miss our shopping trips so much because it was our time to have a cup of tea and lunch in The Parlour in Walsall.
The worst time is when I am in the house alone. I have two beautiful dogs (one Labrador and one Staffie) who come to me whenever I have a breakdown of tears. They look at me as much to say "we are here". I have received more compassion from my 'mutts' than from my own family who no longer believe in me.
I know I'm not the only person to have lost a loved one and I am sorry if you think I am whittering on. Yes, Mum was 80 when she died but I still miss her.