As strong as I am, I'm always going to hurt

by KH

Today was hard. A lot just kind of hit me at once.
All of my memories of New Year's Eve and New Years Day are with my dad. Typically, I would spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with mom and then I would head to dad's and stay there until New Years. Holidays are always a little harder for us...

I was watching an episode of a show I really like and this episode was focused around this person getting married. And, it made me realize that my dad wouldn't get to attend my wedding, and I would never get to have my own father and daughter dance...

I wouldn't get to tell him that I got a place and met a really great guy that he would love so much or how bummed I was that I couldn't get the puppy I wanted. I wouldn't get to call him up and tell him how much I love my job and how much Idaho sucks, hahaha.

I know he's with me and he's not really gone; that he's just not here on Earth in the same form as us, but it is so hard to tell that little girl inside that. She knows what's true, but that doesn't mean her heart still doesn't hurt.
It made me realize, no matter what, even on the best days of my life to come, there is always going to be a little bit of pain I can only hope to overcome. Some days it will be easy, others will be a battle, days when we are back to square one, but we're always going to hurt, we will always be tainted and damaged.
I heard that makes you stronger though... I believe it so far.

Comments for As strong as I am, I'm always going to hurt

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 02, 2011
Lean on me...

I know it was hard for you. And I am sorry that I did not call to check on you. I did not want to spread the melancholy that I too was feeling.
That was cowardice of me. I am so proud of you I am so happy for you. Those are the things I need to speak of. I miss you dad too. This new year should be full of hope and starting anew. But starting without him at our side is hard isn't it?

I talked to F. he is doing well. He would not tell me if he wasn't. I want to be the one that you lean on, the one that you share your life with. I am not you dad but love and cherish everything that makes you special. Lean on me I am strong enough and want to know how you are blossoming into a young lady.


Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!