by April
(Virginia City, NV)

The last time I talked to my handsome sweetheart was June 4, 2011. The last thing he told me was "oh Mom I love you." I went through all the motions, by filing the missing persons report, put up posters. It was on June 4th Austin's girlfriend told me he had been using bath salts. He was 30 yrs old. Had a very stable life. Great job for over 6 yrs. He didn't go to work & didn't call in. Deep down in my heart I knew something was horribly wrong. Austin & his older brother bought a house together. They were not only brothers, but best friends. The three of us had a wonderful relationship. June 19th was my birthday I still hadn't heard from Austin. That was the first birthday we hadn't been together. On June 22 I got the call from the Sheriffs Dept. they had found his body In the river. I know he had been there for the 28 days he was missing. Apparently it was an accidental drowning. The Sheriffs Dept would not let me see his body. They sent me the autopsy report. I can't even describe how horrible that was. Why did I even read it? I had no idea. I have very few friends treasured friends I feel comfortable confiding in. Aaron, Austin's older brother has moved in with me. I try to.go to work as much as I can. I just want to curl up & cry. I woke up after a few hours sleep two nights ago & I felt like my sweet son was sooo far away. I truly dread every day. My heart & life have this huge empty hole that can never be filled. I need help to keep going. I know I have to be strong, but I can't. I hope I can help some of you, and you may be able to do the same for me. My heart goes out to all of you. April

Comments for Austin

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Oct 23, 2011
I care
by: kay

I am so very sorry for your loss. Every word you write rings home. I too lost my beautiful son Dean last year and I am still aching and unbelieving that Dean has gone. I truly believe in the after life as I have had several visits from my son. As a parent the pain is so immense it takes over your life and yes it feels like an empty hole right in your heart. I feel so strongly when a parent loses a child no matter what age because I know the pain,the sleepless nights ,the tearfilled months. I send you love from my heart and some healing. thinking of you .xxx

Oct 23, 2011
In Memory of Austin
by: Cookie


My heart goes out to you. It is hard to wrap your head around this situation. It was all an accident, Mom. Your son did not mean for that to happen. He didn't see the danger in it. Unfortunately, that appears to be his generations cocktail as stupid as it sounds.

You read that autopsy report because you were searching for the answers you need. I have done it twice in my life and it is not pleasant. You will go over it and over it. Each time you will find something you did not see before.

I trust the Sheriff's department did a thorough investigation into his death and that you are satisfied with the results. Have no questions about what happened. They spared you by not letting you see his body. I was denied that of my father's.

The authorities have begun to take notice of this and begun removing these salts from the market because of the death rate. I know that doesn't help you or your son. Maybe you can take to the circuit and send a message to the youth about the dangers of this activity or write a book about your experience.

No one can begin to know how you feel unless you are a Mom. Don't blame yourself. I don't think your son would want you to do that. If he could talk to you he would tell you he loves you and he is sorry for leaving you and changing the family dynamics in such a horrible fashion.

You have your other son so love and appreciate him. That is why God gave you two of them. I am glad he has moved in with you. He is giving up his life to do that. What an unselfish son. Don't forget he needs you to.

In time all of you will feel better. Visit your son's grave often, talk to him, place flowers, etc. He would appreciate that. I know that is not much but in this way you still keep him alive by honoring him. He has graduated to a beautiful life now. When the time comes he will be there to meet you.

God bless and keep you and your family in his care during this very, very difficult time. You are in my prayers. Hugs. My blog is under "Poster Children for Tragedy". This site is helping me through my grief. I hoped I helped you today.

Cookie in Virginia

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