Baby steps

by Jules
(Boonah, Qld)

I have written on here before, "the shell on the outside", well every day, all day and night, I miss John as if I have had my right arm cut off. But I am trying to move on, I laugh, I enjoy life, I love people, and I look forward - I make plans, keep myself busy, helping people, I don't hide the fact that I am a widow, especially one for such a short time (9 months - heading for 10) but I know that I am in denial about some things, like I know I have to do a final tax return for John, I have to change the house into my name, probably also need to change the rego on the car and van - but I put it all off - after all it took eight months before I could bring myself to clean the van out - and then my daughter had to help.


It is the things like car maintenance, does the wheel bearing really need fixing - can I trust them - are the tyres I have chosen the right ones? And on it goes, remembering oil changes, filter changes etc.

The main reason I keep going is because I know John would be so disappointed if I didn't - he trusted me to be able to cope without him - and I can, mostly, but I miss my love, my lover, my friend, the person I chose to be with over the last 42 years, the father of my children, the strong person he was, his cuddles and kisses, his cooking even.

To all of you out there in absolute despair - please remember the good times you had, the reason you were together, and know that your love is still there, he's the voice who says - "slow down, coppers patrol this road, check your tyres, you need air. Keep a track of your milage, for oil changes, don't eat that, it's bad for you, you'll regret it."

Know that your love would expect you to be strong, not fall apart, move on, don't linger in the past. I know it's hard, boy do I know, but you have a life to live, wishing that life away won't get you back with your loved one - it can never be that way again - you are a different person now, what has happened to you has changed you forever! Make the most of what you have - family, friends, and if they have drifted away, make some new ones, get out there and LIVE!!!!

Comments for Baby steps

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Oct 02, 2010
thank you for helping me take my first baby step
by: Donna

Jules, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I lost my everything, my angel on July 23,2010. I do remember all of the good times over the past 26 years. I don't know how to smile or be happy anymore. I really hope that will change with time, Bryan told me that he wants me to live, that I have everything to live for. I just don't have the most important person to live for anymore, or at least that how it feels right now. Reading your story is helping me to take my first baby steps. thank you

Sep 11, 2010
Your words are my words
by: Linda

I lost my husband 10 months ago, and I too feel like my arm has been cut off. I miss him everyday, think of him everyday, and still kiss his pillow goodnight every night. I am trying to pick up the pieces, still can't stay in my house alone too much, I stay with one of my sons most of the time, and I know one day it will get easier.

I am going on a little vacation to see his sister, and that's going to help alot. I haven't changed my house into my name or the car, and thank goodness, my sons do my car maintenance for me, but it's still not the same. I tell everybody that I haven't been alone since I left my parent's home in 1967, and its really a transition.

My mother died a year ago, then my husband got sick right after and died 6 months later, so I lost 2 of my favorite friends so close. I pray to God to get me through each day and he hasn't let me down yet. My faith is a lot stronger now, as I know I have to follow God's direction, so I can see my love in eternity. Hang in there, it's going to get better.

Sep 10, 2010
Your so right
by:

Hi there,
After loosing my husband who was 40 years old two years ago I totally understand all you have written.

We can make a better life again a different life and a life full of wonderful and lasting memories of our loved one that make us smile as we think of them.

The dark days eventually have to be neatly tucked away when we are ready. Feeling bitter is not a positive thing. But time does settle things a bit.
We are fortunate to wake up each day and make the choice of what to do with it. We can still make that choice, our partners can't. Thro illness my husband made the most of each day he had even in the darkest of days. What a fabulous husband and dad he was..

They would want us to be happy when the time is right..... Wouldn't they??

You sound a wonderful lady. I wish you well..

Sep 10, 2010
I can't
by: michelle

That was beautiful...I really liked your speech but I can't. I know my mum would have wanted that and I try but I just can't do it. It has been 7 long years since she passed. I was only 8 and I only started grieving about 2 years ago. My godmother and cousins have also been ripped away from me although they aren't dead. I think I have depression but before you tell me to see a councellor I can't because I don't want anybody to find out. Instead I find websites like this and talk on that. I am very proud of you for moving on and I'm sure your husband is as well. You are very brave and may God bless you.

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