Back into the same funk
Well, Thanksgiving went well. Had an unexpected guest, so my Dad's chair was not empty. Have been feeling really good since, but this past week, I can feel myself getting consumed with work again. This is the same pattern I was in, when I discovered this site. I am back to having trouble sleeping, constantly fussing about work, taking things way too serious and just being very difficult to be around. I know all of this has to do with grief, what I am having trouble grasping is that I thought I had gotten past this phase. I think that I will have the next couple of nights alone and plan to spend as much of it as I can in prayer and self reflection. That seems to help, for sure. Another thing that may have triggered this is that my Mom's handy man asked her to borrow money. I work out of town and can not be there for her all the time, so a she hired a neighbor ( who is also a family friend) to help out around the place. When I visited on Sunday, she told me that he asked to borrow 1,000.00. Of course I was bothered, but it got worse through out the night. I would not call him that night, because I did not want to discuss this while I was angry. So, I called him the next morning and could tell by the sound of his voice that he knew what the call was about. I was very polite, but asked him not to do that again. I know that it is her decision, but she is very venerable and her mind is not as sharp as it once was. I feel a bit guilty that I can not be there for her every need, but do know that I have to continue my life. I guess that whole thing in a nut shell is that I am slowly falling back into depression and am not sure how to stop it. There are not words to express how much I miss my father and that just seem to get worse.