Just when you think you are going ok - it comes and bites you again - I had felt quite positive, am about to move house, take some steps forward, then today - wham - I am in the depths of despair again.
I have just read an article somewhere that says that a lot of people who suffer a major loss (such as loss of spouse, as I have) will undergo probably four more stresses in the initial twelve months.
I am up here in a small country town, with really no friends, I am here because my daughter and her four children are here - but her marriage is undergoing a crisis, and I am trying to be strong and support her.
But I feel that I am unappreciated - that's not really it - maybe it is just unloved - something happened yesterday that made me feel sad - my daughter has lived away from home for about 18 years - her choice, she could have come home anytime, married 15 years.
Her husbands family are the type of people who "take you over", and I have felt very excluded over the years - my husband and I sometimes had our birthdays or mothers or fathers day forgotten, whereas the mother in law brags to me about how often she has been taken out to breakfast on mothers day, the presents she has got from my daughter, the cards expressing love etc. I am not saying my daughter does not love me, nor her father, but
I feel that I come a long way second to her husbands family - even though she complains about the way they are. Anyway yesterday my daughter and the boys were at my house and the mother in law was there - when they were leaving my daughter pecked me on the cheek, but hugged her mother in law!!!!
If only my daughter knew the things the MIL has accused her of, she is always hinting to me that my daughter has confided things to her that would make me very upset if I knew them (about me and my husband), I have also had her tell me that the younger boys are "horrible children, absolutely horrible" and trouble, and liars.
One of my major problems is that I share a house with the MIL, for another two weeks only though. So I get the constant - "oh, you wouldn't know about that, you weren't here" - we came from 1500k away, and were on an extended holiday when my husband had a stroke and died.
I stayed here because I thought my daughter needed me, I certainly needed her - her husbands family is totally dysfunctional, and if her husband does not get some help, their marriage will not survive another six months - that is my honest opinion - marriage is hard work, and it doesn't work if only one party is working at it.
I hope no-one minds my ramblings, but needed to get it all out, and don't have any other avenue at the moment.