by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

I had a really bad day at work today. I was tired, irritable, snappy, short tempered and actually lost my temper once today and snapped at a colleague. This is so not me and so not the way I want to be. I was thinking about this on the way home and it came to me-all these damn holidays I have to face alone. Easter with no one, Mother's Day with kids in other states, and worst of all, our wedding anniversary coming up on the 14th of
May with no Barry.

Barry loved holidays and always made them special in some way. He used to give me Mother's Day cards from the dog and cat since we had no kids in common. And of course on our anniversary he always managed to find iris or lavender roses and had them delivered to work so the whole world could see I was loved. Now the only thing delivered to me at work is more workload and headaches.

I need coping strategies for getting through these damn holidays. I'll welcome any advice.


Comments for BAD DAYS

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May 05, 2011
Momma said therd be days like this, therd be days like this momma said...


Just when I think that I am getting a handle of grief, that the worst is behind me something pops up. I just wrote about my setback under "You claimed to be our friend Really!"

The thing is we need to take each day as it comes as in early grief. We have a setback every now and then. The memories seem overwhelming and bring us back to the time where we were helpless and at the mercy of grief. We had no control over our emotions and feel that we are stronger now and it shouldn't happen but it does now and them doesn't it?

Breathe in breathe out count to 10 and know that things are still frustrating going it alone.
Know that you will have memories come at you and try to rain on your parade. We cannot control what our minds throw at us at unexpected times but what we do with it is up to us.

This is our new independence. This is our chance to do what we have always wanted to but thought well maybe I shouldn't. Think Lucy telling the truth for 24 hours. We can do this. It is our chance to shine and be all that we always wanted to be. From VA to FL Hugs down the coast...

May 03, 2011
Bad days
by: M Mack


Don't be so hard on yourself for snapping at your co-workers.
I'm sure they know what's eating at you and you're anger is coming from the pain within. Try venting in writing instead of taking it out on others. Writing is truly an emotional outlet and helps our grieving process. Make sure you read it back to Barry. He hears you and just might be able to help you spiritually. The next thing you can do is plant.....yes, plant some flowers, make it your space for him. The flowers you plant should be in honor of Barry. Since he can't
buy them for you, create them for him to admire with you. Maybe have a metal plaque etched in his memory. This is a Mothers day solution, but remember to put something that lasts the cold like an evergreen bush. You have alot to keep you busy now so get cracking!!!!

My best to you Judy and I feel your pain. If only it was that easy but as you know, we must do our part to be the survivor.
We were not chosen to leave leave so now we must choose for ourselves the best path to survive. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Let the sunshine.....hugs and hope for comfort.

May 03, 2011
Out with the old in with the new (is hard)


We need to change the way that we celebrate these holidays. Do a complete 360. On Easter Get dressed to the 9's and go for a picnic. Drive somewhere amazing with a picnic basket and a good book. On our anniversary treat ourselves to a spa, manicure, Haircut... then go bowling. Or an arboretum.

There are so many memories lingering all around us. Just when we think we are managing grief, keeping it in its place a memory pops up trying to hinder our progress. We had wonderful times with them. Now we need to make new memories.

It's not easy I know. I am also bombarded with memories. Small projects that "We" would have done seem huge doing it alone. All of it frustration and it's gotta come out somewhere.

Change the way that you do things, the memories will still be there but making new ones, new traditions, trying things that you have never done before takes courage. Surviving grief is the most courageous thing that we have done. It is hard work and equally hard making a new life for ourselves.

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