Been apart for nearly 2 years. The pain is so bad it still feels like it happened yesterday.

by Emma
(Perth, Australia )

My name is Emma and my ex fiancé, Daniel, broke up with me nearly 2 years ago. We were together for 6 years, and had a daughter at the time who was 3. After he ended it and asked us to move out I found out I was pregnant (7weeks along). I kept the baby, I honestly thought in my heart we would work things out, and I knew I couldn't kill my baby. At first he was supportive and would tell me he still loved me and he'd be there for me & the kids and that we would end up together one day but now wasn't the right time.

About a week later he turned nasty, accusing me of planning it and telling me no one would want me and I should have an abortion so he wouldn't have to deal with me any longer than he needed too.

4 weeks after our break up, he moved on. Claimed he was in love with this girl he met. He rubbed in the fact that the girl made him feel like he did when he was 13 (whatever that's meant to mean?) well that girl didn't feel the same way about him, so nothing happened...

A week later he started dating this new girl. They stayed together. 3 weeks into their relationship they both moved 3hours away. He didn't care about his unborn child and didn't want anything to do with it, and hardly ever wanted to see his daughter either.

He often said nasty things about his new girl friend, that she wasn't very pretty and over weight so he didn't need to worry about her ever cheating on him or leaving him. He also said he was going to tell her to stop seeing all her male friends otherwise he'd end it with her. And that he was just replacing me with her.

Fast forward to now, they are still together, but he emails me all day nearly everyday. He says what we had is beyond repair, but he still feels the need to MSG me.
He hardly ever sees his son, but always tells me how much he loves him and misses him. He moved back down to Perth, so he only lives 5 mins away now. But he still can't be bother seeing his son that he claims he misses so much.

I am so unbeliably heartbroken. I've been tangled into his games for the last year and a half. I'm there for him always. I reply to him even though I know I shouldn't. What is going on?? Why can't I let go of this idiot?! I'd do anything to fix what we had. I know his new gf and her friends have led him down a track of drinking & partying.
I pray for him to find his feet, but I just want the hurt too stop for me as well. I can't help but feel I'm hanging in there for a reason. That I'm not supposed to let go. But maybe I'm just delusional.

I breakdown and cry so often, I'm tired and physically weak and drained. Looking after 2 kids is hard. I get little to no sleep and when I do eventually sleep its full of nightmares of him. I just can't believe the pain is still there after this long and hasn't got any better.

Its so hard seeing someone you spent so long with, completely turn on you and treat you like you never meant anything. I can't believe it, it kills me.

Comments for Been apart for nearly 2 years. The pain is so bad it still feels like it happened yesterday.

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Apr 09, 2014
Straight talk wounds but then brings Healing.
by: Doreen UK

Emma you may think I was being overly harsh to you in my posts. I have been in counselling. I use these tactics to make you face reality like a counsellor would. This straight talk will wound but in the end HEAL YOU. Take care and I hope everything works out well for you.

Apr 09, 2014
Must Move on
by: Judith in California

Emma, why do you sit around waiting for him to mature? It's like you're still allowing him to control and manipulate you. He never will grow up. He is a Narcissist and only wants what he wants and to hell with you. But you can get your self respect back and take control of what happens from here on out. Realize this is not the first time some lying, cheating a--hole has left a woman alone to do t all. HE is never going to be what you thought you could make him out to be.You must take yourself and your children out of his lfe and sight. Then you must have some help in understanding why on God's green earth you would waste your thoughts on such a POS. AND why you would want a man/child that treats you the way you allowed him to.

I ditto what Doreen wrote. Your responsibility is to those children, to protect them, love them and care for yourself. Get mentally healthy.

Should this a--hole ever mature to want to be in his children's life make sure it's under supervised visitations.

Apr 09, 2014
Making the most of life and Surviving difficulties.
by: Doreen UK

Emma I got cut off my first post due to space.
I want to expand on my first post to you.
The reason you are having nightmares is because you are in a nightmare situation with an unstable man who is using you for his own advantage. He is saying ugly things about his girlfriend he is with now. What does this say about Him? Why would you still want to have this man in your life? when he can't offer you Love and happiness. Now think of your children and how they will grow up in such an environment of instability. Your children will end up with emotional problems that you will find harder to cope with on your own without support. If you can. Try and join a support group for single mothers and help make friends and gain support here and help one another. You will also feel less alone. You are hurt emotionally so the crying won't stop until you put positive structure in place for you and your children. If you like reading join the library or read a book on the bravery of women who have beaten the odds and survived difficulties in life. This will encourage and strengthen you to not feel that your life has ended because of what Daniel did to you.
I have God in my life and I have overcome so much difficulty and struggling. When I look back I would have crumbled without God at the helm guiding and protecting me and bringing me through so much pain and sorrow and tribulation. I have been where you are now and know how difficult it is for you. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't look too far ahead and think. IS THIS LIFE NOW FOR ME. Do what you have to do each day for you and your children and get good support so you are not facing all this sorrow on your own. My husband of 44yrs. worked all over the world and I was left alone to bring up 3 children. I got on with what I had to do and put my children's needs first. I never got to spend a good life with my husband due to his working life. He was a precious husband who died of cancer 2yrs. ago. Now I am left alone. I don't like it. But such is life. I have to find a way to survive this loneliness and what life is like now for me. I still take one day at a time. Best wishes

Apr 09, 2014
Been apart for nearly 2 years. The pain is so bad it still feels like it happened yesterday.
by: Doreen UK

Emma this Ex Fiance is not stable enough to offer you or His children anything but stress and heartache. It is probably not what you want to hear. He is a CONTROL FREAK who wants everything his own way. He is A BIG SPOILT CHILD. He has the maturity of an insect. The reason you are suffering and crying so much is because you are still maintaining a connection with him through text messages.
You should see a counsellor to help you BREAK FREE from this man/child. Counselling will also build your self esteem up so that you won't feel so needy of your EX who is being CRUEL to you in the worst way as being the mother of his children. He will get a WAKE UP CALL one day. Make sure you are not there to RESCUE him. You have the nature that wants to do good for him and to rescue him when he is in trouble. STOP IT NOW! Don't give this man/child the TIME OF DAY. Spend this time NURTURING YOURSELF. Do as many pampering things for yourself each day every day until it becomes a way of life. You will be building yourself up and this will build up your self esteem and help heal you. You are young. You are not expected to have all the answers. You also have two children with this man/child that he can't be bothered to see or care for. DROP THIS MAN/CHILD NOW! Otherwise he will destroy you and take you down. You express in your post how he puts you down and doesn't say anything good about you. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM?? What is he doing for you that is loving and meaningful?? NOTHING. My sister lives in Australia. She had 4 children. Her husband had 4 children from his first marriage. He marries my sister and cheats on her in the same way you describe. He left his 4 children with her. So she had to bring up 8 children on her own which caused her a breakdown several times having no money and struggling. Today she has recovered into a mature woman. Her children treat her like a queen. If she can take on 8 children and call his 4 children her own. I hope this story will give you the courage to cope with your two children. Put a strategy together. Get outside and family support if you can. Get someone to babysit so you can get some sleep. When you have enough sleep you will see the world around you better. When you feel tired do anything you can to get the rest you need to look after yourself and your two children. Life won't always be this difficult. Counselling can help you heal and move forward and make better decisions so that if and when another man comes along you won't hang your heart on the wrong person. I have had many lonely moments crying when my children were younger and my husband working all over the world with his job. I had to be mother and father. I just got on with it and took my children to Church to give them values and structure. Do what you need to do to care for yourself and your two children. Everything else is secondary.

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