Best Friends, Unconditional and Sisters

by Helen H.
(Ontario, Canada)

Oh my gosh yes, I apologize to my sister all the time, but it feels pointless because she lost her LIFE, her LIFE! My sister was type 1 diabetic since she was 6 years old and recently her diabetes seemed out of control. She was 51 years old and wore an insulin pump. She had broken her leg the year before and it took a lot out of her. Two months before her death she went hyperglycemic and I found her unconscious and she nearly died, but she pulled through after being admitted to 5 different hospitals who didn`t know how to treat her properly. They caused her to carry 50 lbs in fluids while trying to balance the blood sugar levels. She had only once in her life been high, usually she went low. This fluid impacted her already stressed kidneys and she had to start dialysis. She was home for two weeks and had lost the weight but had to go for an MRI on her leg and called me. I did offer to go with her but she said no but asked if I would feed her dogs. I said, yeah, but I`m transporting a paralyzed dog to a foster home and she could feed them when she got back. She said, `oh yeah, what am I thinking, I`m a bit googley`. I said, have you eaten and she said she would get something and I offered to go to the MRI with her but she said no again. The next day I couldn`t reach her so I drove up and found her dead in bed, God knows that is the worst day of my life. I could not bring her back though I tried CPR and so did the medics. I hadn`t `got it` , I didn`t `twig` that her funny feeling was the damn hyperglycemia coming back because of her kidneys failing and throwing her body balance off.

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Aug 14, 2012
Best Friends, Unconditional and Sisters
by: Doreen U.K.

Helen I can see now by your reply how you feel responsible for your sister dying on your watch. Try and get yourself a good Book on Grief and
Grieving. Working your way through this you will learn that it is a natural part of grief to feel the way you do. In time you will come to accept your loss of your sister and the guilt you feel will almost evaporate. What you are feeling is part of Grief and grieving. As an older woman. I can tell you that your parents wouldn't blame you, the way you are blaming yourself. Your parents wouldn't hold you responsible. I GENUINELY MEANT THIS.
I was reading the account of a couple who went for a walk. The lady got fed up with the ritual of walking to keep healthy. She didn't feel like going. She went for harmony and to please her husband. A stollen car came rushing round the corner and knocked the couple down. The lady sadly died later in hospital of her wounds. The man recovered. He is racked with guilt of the "If only's" "should of". He went for a walk with the best of intentions, not realizing he would lose his wife that day. There may be times when we could have done things better, or differently. The outcome could have been different. THIS IS LIFE. We will all have to one day LIVE WITH LESS REGRETS AND FORGIVE OURSELVES. Helen you will come through this guilt and grief a stronger person. FREE OF GUILT. Let me apply some ointment on your wounds.

Aug 13, 2012
by: Helen H. Ontario, Canada

Thank you for reading my story, but thank you even more for your kind and supportive words.
I know there is no guarantee that I would have picked up on it, but I`d always been there in time, same as my other two sisters, the three of us always managed to get to Patty in time.
Mum and Dad died in 2004 and 2006 and I felt that we had an even bigger responsibility now to our sister, but I also feel that not only did I let Pat down, but I let Mum and Dad down as Pat died on my watch. I miss Pat with every fibre in me, I adored her, she was the best friend I have ever had.

Aug 13, 2012
Best Friends, Unconditional and Sisters
by: Doreen U.K.

Helen I am so sorry for your loss of your sister. There is no guarantee that if you went to see your sister that she would have been alive today. There is no guarantee that in the future you may not have been able to support your sister in some way and prevented her dying. WE JUST DON'T KNOW. We can only hazard a guess that she may have been saved. I know how the guilt must eat you up. There will be times we refuse to do something and it has serious consequences and then we wish we had done things differently. It is called BEING HUMAN. If there is ever a time when we can make a difference in someone's life. LET US DO IT. If we process things and find we cannot do things differently then at least we won't have to live with the regret. Sadly REGRETS happen in life. Some we can avoid and some we can't. Others we will have to FORGIVE OURSELVES FOR.

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