Betrayed, abused, cheated on, lied to, abandoned PART III
I went by his trailer and a different car was there. I wasn't sure if he was renting out the trailer to someone, as he had in the past, so I knocked on his trailer door. A big fat hispanic girl with gold teeth answered smiling. I asked if Francisco was still the owner of the trailer. She said yes. Then I asked if she knew where he was. She said he was at work. Then it started dawning on me that she could be not renting from him but LIVING with him. So I asked if she was his gf. She said yes. So then I told her I was his ex and I was looking for him and would she please let him know I came by.
I then drove to the carwash where Francisco worked. He was there and we ended up getting together and talking. I told him I had met his gf. He asked if she had said she was his gf and I told him yes. He then said she wasn't and that he was just letting her stay in the trailer cause she was homeless. I then started crying and telling him how I felt. He told me he missed me and my sense of humor. I asked him if he had cheated on me. He told me to look him in the eyes and then proceeded to tell me he would NEVER cheat on me and that he wouldn't disrespect me like that. He reached his hands inside my coat and around my waist and gave me a hug and told me how he really regretted how much he had hurt me and if he could cry he would. We talked a bit more and then he said he had to go back to work. We went back to the carwash and I asked Francisco if he could meet me at a store near my house so we could continue talking. He said sure. He had his pet chihuahua with him so I asked him if I could take the dog with me, cause I figured my daughter would be excited to see the dog again.
Anyways, I headed home and when I got home my mom was walking up our street toward our house. When I got out of the car she frantically called me over. Then she proceeded to tell me that when I was gone one of our old male neighbors had come by looking for me. My mom told him that I wasn't home. Then the same guy proceeded to sexually assault my mother!
Later that night Francisco came over. I told him what happened and he listened. We ended up getting some liquor and he spent the night at my house. During this time we were intimate and we talked. He admitted he had slept with this girl that was staying in his trailer a few times. But made it seem they weren't an 'item'. Then he asked me if I had been with any other males. I told him I had slept with one guy since he had broken up with me. Later when we were being intimate with each other again he whispered in my ear that I was jealous of him and he was jealous of me. He stayed over the next 2 days. During that time he acted like before. We watched movies. He was affection, even at one point grabbing my foot and giving the top of it an affectionate kiss. We layed in bed watching movies together. My daughter sat on his lap and he and her watched cartoons together.
The next day he had to go to work and told me he'd be in touch.
Well 5 days went by and my paranoia started setting in. I thought he had pulled another disappearing act and I became VERY UPSET. Especially after he knew what happened to my mom. I had a past of self-mutilation and I ended up cutting my arm up out of feelings of despair. 2 days later Francisco showed up. We talked and I told him what I had done. I felt ashamed of what I had done, since I hadn't cut myself in 10 years and I was very proud of this achievement. After I told Francisco this he grabbed my hand with one of his hands and with his other hand he started rubbing my arm. I cried and told him how depressed I was not having him around. I asked him if he had ever loved me. I told him I felt hurt he never confided in me that he felt like he was detaching from me romantically. I told him I wondered why he didn't even want to seem to work things out. Why he didn't even wanna see if we could spark things up again. Francisco then told me the woman that was living in his trailer was going to be moving out of the trailer at the end of the month and she was going to be moving into her uncle's house. I had recently been granted a Section 8 voucher so I was soon to be getting my own apartment. Francisco told me he would have the trailer to himself and then I'd have my own apartment. He said he could come over to the apartment and not have to worry about my mother. He had basically been 'sneaking in' to my house. My mom is very christian and doesn't approve of anyone not properly married to be sleeping together. So Francisco was saying he could come and go as he pleased. He then said we could take Helena to the park a few times a week. He said he was gonna try and fix the car he had bought me. He told me he realized he ran away from his problems and that he was kind of dismayed at the events that had happened recently and that he needed to work through his problems. He told me he realized that he had done REALLY bad things to me and he knew he needed to earn back my trust. He also said knew he kept up walls about himself and he wanted to tell me more about himself. He basically wanted to give things another go. He told me his heart was sore because of everything that he had done to me. He then asked me if everything he had just said sounded good and if I wanted to try that. I said yes. He gave me a hug, told me he loved me and he had to go. He said he was gonna call me the next day and give me a mutual friends phone number. Well the next day he called and gave me the friends phone number, but he was very short and curt on the call. He didn't ask how I was doing or anything. He then told me he had to go cause he was using a friends phone. I asked him when he would get ahold of me next. He said in a day or two. Well four days went by. Then he called but acted like he didn't wanna talk. I told him I needed to talk with him and he agreed to come over that night. Well he didn't show up and this killed me.
I waited a week then as I was driving to his work I saw his Explorer parked at the trailer park. I tried knocking at his door and no one answered. I head Spanish music on but no one was answering the door. Some neighbors were out and I asked them if they had seen Francisco. One of the neighbors said she hadn't seen him but that usually there were 2 cars parked at the trailer. So after hearing this I decided to continue on to the carwash. I got to the carwash and there he is cleaning this OTHER WOMANS car. I WAS PISSED! Francisco, me and my daughter ended up going to a nearby lake and Francisco and I talked while my daughter played. Most of the time I was talking. In the beginning Francisco went on and on about his religion, karma, being humble, etc, etc...Then I stopped him and asked him why he even bothered going to classes about getting rid of ego when clearly he didn't seem to be practicing what he was taught. I then went into how I felt like I had lost not only my bf but my best friend and how if I looked at how he was treating my daughter and I, not what he was saying, that he had absolutely no respect for either of us. I told him I was hurt because it felt like he actually enjoyed hurting me. I told him he was sick in the head for having rubbed my cut up arm and lied to me like he did. Raising my hopes knowing he didn't mean a word of it. I talked to him for a good long time. It was starting to get dark and Francisco told me he was sorry but he had to finish some stuff at the carwash. When we were walking to the car my daughter asked about where his dog was. Francisco told her that his sister had the dog but he would be getting it back in about 2 weeks. My daughter said she wanted to see him and Francisco said 'Ok.' When we got back to the carwash I asked him when we could continue our talk. He seemed to be thinking a long time so I asked him what was on his mind. He then told me he was thinking of a time when he would be able to call me and talk for awhile. He then told me he'd call me Monday, which was the next day. Well it's been 2 months and he hasn't tried to contact me whatsoever. I am SOOOO furious with him that he could be this close and not even bother being a man and having some integrity to tell me what he did and apologize for hurting me. He isn't even sorry. It's feels like I knew this nice guy for a few years and then, especially at the end, this monster came out. I feel shell shocked. I still cry every day and deal with suicidal thoughts. The only reason I'm here is because I wouldn't want to traumatize my daughter by taking my life. My rage is BEYOND anything.