betrayed by love...

hi, i'm pretty new here and this web page seems very helpful.. i just wish i could just hit my head and get amnesia or something I can't believe this is happening to me, i just feel betrayed, hurt, angry and hopless. i'm 32 and Mark is 31, I had been with Mark for almost nine years since the youngest of my two sons was age one. Mark was the reason i left my husband. mark thought me to heal and to love again and assured me that i was worth far more than being a housewife with a part time husband who was mostly married to his job or the beer bottle. i never knew what love was until i met mark or a least i thought so.. he made me so happy in every possible way and best of all he was great with my two sons.. that is until two years into the relationship he got really possessive and abusive and cut off all comunication between myself and my ex husband the kids dad. I tried my best to comply with his rules.. by then the rest of my family had gotten to dislike him because of the way he treated me and would even hit me in front of my boys. i wanted to leave but did not have the strength to. i would believe him everytime he said he was sorry after he hit me and would bring me gifts after. growing up mark did not go to school much i taught him to read again i was always there for his family and i took care of his mom just before she lost her battle with cancer.. i did stuff that her own kids including mark couldn't like change her dirty diaper. i taught mark to eat with a knife and fork and i was the first person to buy him an airline ticket. during the years i heard all sorts of rumours that mark was unfaithful but it was hard to believe since we were practically living together. whenever we went out he made me his prized possession and no other woman mattered i got my respect. he was so jealous he would check my phone and call back numbers he didn't know and would put the phone on speaker and make me talk to the persons. a few weeks ago mark found some text msgs in my phone from my kids dad who wanted the boys for a weekend. without even reading the text he brought the phone to me i was laying on the bed he dragged me off the bed by my hair and hit me with the phone and blood oozed out my busted mouth. and he made me read the text aloud to him. he felt pretty stupid and as usual i forgaved him. in i was away from home for almost a year between 2010 and 2011. i had gotten a contract from work and i had to go. while i was gone my boys stayed with my mom. six months into my work my friends would email me and even call to say that a young hot nurse was frequently visiting Mark's house an she would stay for days. then my mom saw them together and my kids. i was hurt and i broke it off. i started talking with a co worker of mine who got me thru he was a sweetheart but they were no romantic connections between us.. i was hurting and i still loved mark. even when i confronted him about the affair he bluntly denied it and said everyone was just telling stories because they didn't want to see us together. six months later when i returned home there he was and he told me he was hurt after he learnt i was dating my co worker and he had a brief affair but not with any nurse as i had heard. it was just someone, and it was a mistake and he broke it off cause he wanted to be with me. silly and so blinded was i i forgaved him and even though my entire family and friends even my kids were upset. i still stayed with him cause i never saw only heard. things got better until a few months ago we were at a get together at his brothers house when his uncle who got way too drunk decided to blurt out that mark was still having an affair with "Tiffany" the nurse.. mark of course got upset, his uncle even said she met with all his family i was so stupid. cause he denied it.. lately i have been telling mark that maybe we should go our seperate ways because we are not happy together we had been argueing a lot lately. it seemed like nothing i did was good enough for him. i noticed when he made love to me he was so rough sometimes. in the middle of our lovemaking last night his phone was vibrating on the bed side night stand and he ignored it said he did not want to be bothered by his boys at 1:am in the morning. a few hours later i got up to go to the bathroom and the phone rand again i didn't answer but i memorised the number. something just did not seem right and as soon as mark left for work the next day i called the number and to my surprise the caller was "Tiffany" she identified herself and even confirmed that she's the nurse mark had been seeing for the past two years. and the last time she saw him was last week when he came to her house. she said he told her that we had broken up.. she knew things that she couldn't have imagined that's how i believed her. she even said she went to his house on the nights that i didn't stay over.. it was devastating. when mark got home i confronted him and as usual he said i was listening to stories again. i left the house and went home Tiffany called my number again to say that she confronted mark about us and he denied we were still together.. i drove over to his house with the phone on speaker for her to hear me confronting him. all mark said was .. it's over and he never wanted to ever see me again. i broke down i felt so weak and hurt and betrayed.. i asked him how he could just walk away from ten years for a 25 year old girl. he told me to get the hell out of his house. that was the first time in all these years he ever told me that.. i cried and cried and i told him i wished him luck and i hope she makes him happy. i moved back home with my mom and kids.. they are so happy he's out of my life. but i'm just hurting so bad. i got rid of all his pictures and his presents. i can't eat i just cry all the time.. i have told myself over and over that i will never love again. there isn't one good man left out there. plus i don't need to start over again with some news... i just wish if there is a way i can forget him.. i just want to hate him so much. what really hurts is the fact that we live a block away from each other. i know i will be seeing a lot of them... plz can someone advise me on the situation.

Comments for betrayed by love...

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May 27, 2012
Move Forward
by: Judith in California

Keep moving forward and never look back. HE is and never will be the person you had hoped he would. HE's emotionally immature, selfish, untrustworthy, and has no character. HE lacks so much of what it takes to be a real man. He lacks dignity for himself or others.
You and your children are so much better off than to stay in a disrespectful, unequal, one sided abuse relationship.
Just focus on your self and your children for now . You don't have to see him even if he lives arcoss the street or a block away. I certainly wouldn't speak to him at all , even if he spoke first. Totally ignore him just like he did you. You owe him nothing but you owe yourself respect and dignity. None of which he gave you. So look at it for what it abusive, disrespectful and demeaning relationship. Keep him kicked to the curb.

Stay on course to care for your childrens mother and your life and your children will be happy.

May 26, 2012
betrayed and hurting
by: Helen

I'm so pleased to hear that you where able to catch your ex boyfriend out, and see for yourself how selfish and self-centered he truly is.
it will be very hard for you, to accept you are alone, please try not to get caught up with this abusive and uncaring human being.
Your self respect is extremely important, this man has undermined your self esteem, so that he had power over you.
if you find it hard to get over this abusive man seek out women support groups, and talk to others who have been in the same situation as yourself.
As you had been with him for ten years, you will go through a grieving process, feel alone, wonder why he hurt you, why he doesn't truly love you anymore, then hopefully you will realize that he is not worth it, he abused you, try to belittle you into doing everything for him, showing no respect for you or your children.
At this moment in time look at your children, they are happier without him in their lives.
It looks like you have a loving and supportive family, and I know they have tried to help you in the past, remember you are not alone, the most intelligent and sane people can get caught up in psychological and abusive relationships.
My wish for you is to love and respect yourself and with this will come acceptance and understanding.

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