Betsy

by Betsy
(Michigan)

My son Aaron was twenty-six years old when he was killed on September 18,2012.He was coming home from work, riding his motorcycle. A truck turned left in front of him and killed him instantly. My daughter called me at 7:15 p.m. She had heard about an accident in the small town in which we live. I stood up and started to pray out loud and pleadingly to God. I just knew it was my son. He died at 6:42 p. m. I had my husband drive me up to the scene. The fire and rescue people would not let me near. But I knew. Finally, I found out it WAS him. I was stunned. No tears, nothing. I could not wrap my head around the whole thing.
The days that followed are a blur. I went where I was told and did what I was told.
It has been nine weeks today and I am destroyed. I know Aaron would want me to move on and not cry all the time. But I miss him. When I think of the accident, I cannot believe it really happened.
This is a very lonely, painful place with no way out.
Aaron had just moved up in his work and lived for his wife and children. He was doing so well. He was happy and fulfilled. A sixteen year-old kid made an error and took my precious son.
I am angry with God. I question His very existence.
I am angry with the kid who imploded my life. I cry every day, sometimes all day.
There is very little joy here and I am lonely.
There was the "before" and the "after". That is how I look at everything.
I wish I could turn the clock back or that it could be me. I am old and have little to contribute to the world anymore and here I sit. I pray that if there is a merciful God, He will take me soon.

Comments for Betsy

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Dec 11, 2012
Betsy
by: Doreen U.K.

Betsy I am sorry for your loss of your son Aaron. Life is so very unpredicatable. We never know what is around the corner for each one of us. To lose a son so tragically and suddenly is the worst pain for a mother to deal with. Even though Aaron was married he was still your son that mothers ache for from the cradle to the grave. You may have to see a grief counsellor to help you cope with the trauma of your painfull loss. When pain is so severe that we can't go on we feel the pain will kill us. It is then counsellors skills come into form and lift the lid on the pain to take the edge off it. You will grieve as a mother for a long long time. Crying, and being angry are the two most fundamental parts of grief that must be expressed so don't hold back on expressing your feelings. It won't last forever. You will get days in between when you don't feel so bad. I have had some very bad days with my loss and I have felt the same way as you. I have been a strong Christian all my life. But I was angry with God. I didn't want to be. But I had no control over this. It happened automatically. Because I felt let down by God. Our hurt, pain, and anger come from our need for God to RESCUE our loved one and when this doesn't happen our anger kicks in. But don't deny the existence of God. We are here in this world because of God. Oh How I wanted to die also. I am of an age when I have nothing more to contribute to life. But we don't have a choice. Mother's feel the depth of pain because they have carried that child for nine months. Reared that child to become a Man. And now to lose a child so young doesn't feel natural. You are facing the initial painfull weeks of grief. I hope you have family and friends to surround you at this time and comfort you in your sorrow.

Nov 24, 2012
Betsy
by: Anonymous

Dear Betsy
I very well know your pain and like you wanted to die, my life was change and the void my son left is hard to fill. However I encourage you to not give up, I am sure your son would have not wanted you to give up, He left you with a legacy the one to fight for the rights of the road of the motorcyclist, THEY TOO BELONG ON THE ROAD. If we give up nothing will change. I know it is difficult to believe that God was there at the time of his accident, but I am convince he was and gave you the strength to handle the tragic news. Give your self the opportunity to heal, it is a very painful journey but God in his greatest Mercy will give you the strength. I pray that you will find comfort and peace, realize that this teenager did not go out that day with the intention to kill your son, It was a terrible accident that I am sure marked this 16yrs old child for the rest of his life. Do not give up as tough as it is and as much as we too want to go, we will go in God's time and realize that even though it was an accident his death was in God's time. May you have peace and comfort is the heart desire of a mother who lost her son 11/24/05 in the hands of an 80 yrs old woman who should have not been driving because she was blind and chose to drive that day. we must unite strength and efforts to make a difference that would be a great way to honor our children;victims of motorcycle accidents.
regards, Sendy

Nov 22, 2012
BETSY
by: Anonymous

OH DEAR BETSY, THERE IS INDEED A MERCIFUL GOD, HE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND HE IS WITH YOU 24/7 ALL THE WAY. IF NOT FOR GODS MERCY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSUMED BY PAIN AND GRIEF BY NOW. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE CAN NOT FIND EXPLANATION TO, BUT OUR HEAVENLY KING OF KINGS KNOWS IT ALL. I LOST MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER ALERO 10YRS AGO TO A PLAIN CRASH AND IT WAS DEVASTATING, I WANTED TO DIE, I FELT THERE WAS NOTHING TO LIVE FOR, SHE WAS JUST 22YRS OLD. TEN YEARS ON AND THE PAIN AND SENSE OF LOSS IS STILL VERY EXCRUTIATING SOMETIMES, THERE IS NO DAY THAT PASSES THAT THE LOSS IS NOT FELT. BUT TO THE GLORY OF GOD I HAVE REASONS TO LIVE AND THANK GOD HE DID NOT TAKE MY LIFE ALONG WITH MY DAUGHTER'S.
ALLOW GOD INTO YOUR LIFE FOR THE HEALING PROCESS.
HERE IN NIGERIA, I WILL PRAY ALONG WITH YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Nov 22, 2012
My son too
by: Nancy

Dear Betsy, on May 29, 2012 my 24 year old son was killed in a motorcycle accident also. He was an auto mechanic and went into work on his day off to work on a friend's motorcycle. He took it out for a quick test drive and 1 block away he crashed into a turning vehicle. By the time we got to the hospital he was gone. We were devastated. My life as I knew it ended that horrible day too. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand exactly how you feel. I have felt terribly alone in my pain even though his brother, sister and father are grieving just as much. Please don't be alone in this. I have found help in going to group bereavement classes and also personal counseling. It helps me to talk about him and listen to and cry with others who are suffering too. Please know that you can find comfort in being around others who are living this kind of pain that others cannot understand. I wish I could help you. My heart goes out to you.

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