Bette

by Debby
(Sacramento CA)

My friend Bette committed suicide two weeks ago. She had lost a son to alcohol and drug poisoning (She was 6 years clean and sober) a year ago and just three weeks ago she had a fight with two of her daughters with on sending a nasty letter and the other fighting with her on the phone and telling her she could not see her son's children again.

I had been staying with her 4 days per week since her son died, trying to help her through the grief of losing her child. The other three days her boyfriend stayed with her. The weekend that she committed suicide, her boyfriend was not with her and neither was I.

She was so mad at God and told him so a lot. We talked for hours the days that I was there about her son and about the grief that she was experiencing. I prayed for her because she would not pray. She kept her program of AA going although she was still in such pain regarding losing her son.

I feel lost and alone, I miss my friend. Her service was a fiasco and no one said anything nice about her. I bought an angel (her favorite) and went to a rose garden with two other women from the program and we all said goodbye to her. My heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest. My anxiety level is through the roof!!!! I feel abandoned and alone so very alone.