Between the light and the Dark Days are the Gray ones

by Hope

Days still continue to move as time passes. I did not think that the seasons should even change in the beginning of grief.
Spring is beginning and the buds on the trees tell me that I have survived yet another Winter. It was a cold Day In Dec. 09 that Hubby went for a walk and never came home. I still hate Winter, that is when My Love was taken from me. That is when my life changed forever.

The days now are mostly fine a few blue days and some downright unbearable. Some days really do make me wonder about my own sanity. I had to keep a cheery facade for my 14 year old on his Birthday last week. I was anything BUT cheery. I went back to that gray mood where I did not care and had to fake my way through the day. It is so unfair to my son that grief continues to haunt me on the most glorious and joyful of days.

But I will make it, we all will... We need to give our selves time and that might take years as in my instance- 2 years and 4 months on April the 6th 2012. I need to be patient with myself as grief revisits from time to time. I will never be the person that I was, But I try with all my will to do new things...

I am going to take off and to to Emerald Isle NC. for Spring Break or wherever the wind blows me (South). I just purchased ZZ Top Tickets for June 3rd. I reach out beyond my comfort zone and force this new life upon myself. One Day it just might fit and feel right on me...

Comments for Between the light and the Dark Days are the Gray ones

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Apr 02, 2012
Gray Days
by: M Mack


Most days are gray for all who lost our other half. Seasons change and so do we. We are BRAVER because we've been to hell and back. Nothing worse than hell! We are SMARTER since we know how terrible this ride is and that it's not our choice when to exit the ride so we coast very cunningly. Many of us have learned that life's not just about US the lone survivor forever. There are other family members at loss and suffering with grief in their own way We had our days to stay in bed, let the house fall apart but there are others here who need us as your son needs you- my family needs me. No time to walk away when we're depended on whether it's our kids, gran children or elderly parents--we have to be there no matter what so for that we are STRONG. We have changed and are better people since we found out so much about ourselves. You are an inspiration for all of us who lost so much. Vent when you need to and we are here to listen. We have changed as we are learning to go on, move forward and our past lives are now a loving memory. Have a great trip as you keep finding more on the new you. I'll wait here! Lol

Apr 01, 2012
Perfect description
by: Don

Your description of grief sounds exactly like my everyday existence since 7 February 2012. That's when I lost my dad to lung cancer. He was 80 yrs old. Even though it's only been a couple of months, it seems like an eternity without him! I am still unable to force myself into this "new life" you speak of. My heart is broken not only because of my own loss, but especially for my Mom. Some days are bad, others are slightly better than bad. Thank you for sharing this!

Apr 01, 2012
My Gray Days..........
by: TrishJ

Have a great time Hope. This journey has been a long one. You are so right about the Gray Days. I'm having less dark days but a lot of gray days. I went on a casino weekend with my old high school best friends and really had a good time.
Upon returning home my daughter-in-law informed me about the depression my son has been going through. When I talked to him he said, "You know mom I think the first year we are just going through the motions...putting on a happy face for everyone. Once the one year passed I'm realizing how empty my life is without dad. His death stares me in the face every day. I talked to my dad on the phone every day. I would give up a limb to have him back."
I guess we didn't talk about Joe's death enough. I thought we did but apparently not. We had a long talk and we both realize how much we miss him. We have to deal with it every day and stop trying to hide it. We've decided to talk about him more and not pretend it isn't there.
It's a tough journey but I feel like a strong woman. I know we'll both be fine. Have a great trip and just concentrate on you.
God bless.

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