Beyond a solid emotion

by artzydrux@yahoo.com
(artzydrux@yahoo.com)

Being an ex-step-parent to 3 amazing kids is where it starts and ends. The relationship ended, and then they ended my relationship I had had with the kids for 12 years. I cannot talk to them, write to them, see them. I have no legal rights. I was in an abusive relationship and I stayed for too many unhealthy reasons. Number one reason was I loved my kids.

I was mom to 2 of them, I still am. I go through these terrible stages of loss. Trying to convince myself that one day, I will be a part of them again. One day, they will be old enough to find me. That thought process doesn't keep the pain away. I cannot describe the feeling of sadness and loss I feel not having them in my life every day.

I wish I could keep the sadness away long enough to take that next step. I go back and forth with sadness and anger. I want to move on but i feel stuck in a cycle of emotions i can't get a grip on. I want to talk to someone about it, however I am so afraid of feeling even more pain than i already do. Sounds pathetic, but that's how I feel.

Comments for Beyond a solid emotion

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Feb 09, 2013
Get it out, see a councilor
by: Ady

Hi, I'am sorry to read about your loss, if its any consolation I have a loss too so I know how you feel.
Losing your partner of 12yr marriage is hard, losing access to kids in the same family is equally as hard so in effect seems doubled sadness & anger.
You knew they wern't your kids at the start, although the family bonding & love had grown & taken place over the years.
It is 12yrs of habits, lifestyle, friendship & memories that make this so hard to break free.
Unfortunately I don't think there's a easy quick answer, it's going to be a long journey, its going to take time to heal, there is nothing you can do about the kids, they're not really yours, they're just really good friends that had to go with your Ex.
I can tell you that whatever you feel about your loss (the kids) chances are... they feel the same too if the bond was positive & strong.

I think you need to talk about it with close friends if you can, get it out & off your mind, get other peoples thoughts, otherwise a councilor is the next step if you're still struggling after that.
Like a deep cut or big burn, it never really goes away, we learn to live with it & the scars remain, but we do move on & we do make improvements, we can't let it stop or handicap us, look at others who have lost a limb, lost their house or their family, they don't stop, they go on to make life better, We must do the same also.
Start by talking to unload, follow your head for a while, not your heart.
Keep busy, exercise daily & make some new goals for a new you, this will give you something to spend time on & help to take your focus in a new direction.
Good Luck.

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