Beyond Imagination

I thought it could never happen to me. I took good care of our children, I provided for my wife and family. But apparently I didn't know I was losing the love of my wife. She became attracted to one of our friends, he became attracted to her. They were mostly discreet but I saw what was happening. I asked questions, I was given lies. They developed their affair right in front of me, in front of other friends, in front of our children.

After many months, several discoveries, the truth finally came out. She says she was wrong. She says our family is what she wants. How do I believe this? How do I deal with the pain, humiliation, betrayal? I am trying so hard to get past this. Sometimes I think I am doing well, other times, not so well. It has been two months from the admission, perhaps six months from the serious crap happening. What am I supposed to do? How long before I can move on?

Comments for Beyond Imagination

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Dec 27, 2010
Not so
by: JG

You said you knew it was happening so it's not beyond your imagination.

Firstly ..I am sorry for your pain.

When a woman has an affair it is normally a symptom of her desire to feel important to someone. The sex is secondary. She should have turned to you to fix it instead of another but you have to trust your heart on this and go forward with her or without her and never look back.

We are only hearing your side but not from her perspective. IT does take two.

I went down that road with my husband after 24 years of marriage and when I told him, it hurt him as I knew it would. But I also told him how could he not know it would happen when I had told him how much he was hurting me over and over, being ugly to my son and to me but he didn't stop. Even afterward when we were seeing a counselor he said things that made her ask him "are you trying to keep her or run her off"?

HE said he always trusted me and I told him he still could. Because I always trusted he would never hurt me either emotionally or physically. And I still stayed with him after that.

I expected him to leave me but instead he cried and forgave me and stayed with me and never brought it up again. I told him I honestly would have never left him for the other guy. He really wasn't worth my time or the hurt I caused. Of course I regret I ever hurt him and now ten years later after I became his caregiver and showed my undying love for him I am dealing with his recent death and I tell him nightly I'm sorry I ever hurt him.

We were married 35 years and I never really stopped loving him and never will.

So go with what you know in your heart. Maybe she trusted you to never disappoint her too.

Dec 27, 2010

You will have to rely on you heart to guide you.
Without trust there is no marriage. I could not stay in a relationship without trust, but it is not my call. It is yours. I hope that your heart and commonsense help you find your own direction...

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