I was married exactly 24 years, and had loved him for 26. Next Monday will be 9 months since he passed. He was my rock. He was my conscious. He was my steady and true man. Our protector.
For 9 months I have struggled with my own emotions and the emotions of my children. He left me with a teenager, an elementary schooler, and one still in daycare.
His presence in our (my) home is EVERYWHERE!
I just took tubs and cleared out all his personal affects from my room. That has helped tremendously. I am also clearing out things that we never got to do, but said we were going to do. That has helped a lot too. Taking control and moving forward.
I am an introverted person, so I have a tendency to withdraw and rely on only close friends. The burden I place on them is tremendous and not fair, so I have started to journal just to get it out, but not annoy the heck out of family and friends.
Taking control of my environment, and getting out and doing things that I would normally have never done has helped.
Focusing on the kids, taking them on outings and planning small vacations makes me feel like a good mother. Being a good mother is the most important thing now.
Hope this helps somebody. Take care and know you are not alone.