Big sis Rose

by Vanessa
(Derby)

My big sis Rose only died four days ago and I can't stop thinking about her, the fight she put up to live right to the end, and the anger that we didn't have more time to say goodbye. Rose was diagnosed with cancer just five weeks ago after trying to get the doctors to do something for her pain for over a year. I am so angry, she visited the docs time and time again and nothing was done. In the end she had cancer in her lungs, liver, bones and brain and she had lost so much weight she struggled to be strong enough for the treatment. I knew the cancer was terminal but I didn't expect her to go so quickly, I had no one on one time with her and now only have pictures, a recent voicemail and my memories to console me. Rose was only 54 and the eldest of four girls, I am the third one and we have been very close over the years but have drifted apart recently. I don't know what to do with myself at the moment, I feel like a spare part, Rose's daughters and partner are the main focus but I feel like screaming WHAT ABOUT ME! She was mt big sis and was always there if I needed her. It is difficult to express my feelings to other family members or my other sisters as I don't what to be branded a drama queen but I miss her so much, she wasn't perfect but she was my big sis.

Comments for Big sis Rose

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Nov 20, 2012
big sis Rose
by: Vanessa

Doreen thank you for sharing your story with me, sadly as many of the comments on this site it does seem that despite the many advances in the research into cancer there seems to be little understanding on how to treat sufferers and how to ensure that their last few days, weeks, months are as pain free and dignified as possible. It is horrendous that patients and their families have to almost beg for adequate care and pain relief. This is what makes the grief harder to deal with, knowing how helpless we were to insist on treatment when communication is poor and we are not kept informed on why things are happening (or not!) I have the same GP as my sis and now do not feel confident in getting any decent diagnosis for any problems I may have, I will now have to change GP but who knows if the new docs will be any better. I hope your grief eases as time goes by but the feeling of anger may take longer to dissipate. I will be lodging a complaint regarding the care my sister (did not) received and would hope that at even if only one thing changes someone else will suffer less. Take care x

Nov 20, 2012
Big sis Rose
by: Doreen U.K.

Vanessa I am sorry for your loss of your big sister Rose.
If you are living in Derby England then I am not surprised if your sister did not get the medical care she needed and deserved. Our health service is going down fast. We are not receiving the care we need.
My husband was treated badly. My story is so long. But in a nutshell. My husband of 44yrs. died 6 months ago from MESOTHELIOMA a lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. Steve really suffered. I was one time screaming down the phone for someone to come and give Steve an injection for the cancer pain and they didn't come out for 3hours till they finished their clinic. Steve's macmillan nurse said that she would come out in 2 weeks time and it was 2 months later. I was just about to write to my MP and the community nurses intervened and got her to come on a regular basis, but by this time Steve was dying.
Steve felt abandoned by the medical profession. My heart broke to watch him die slowly and in pain because the nurse did not give him an injection when he needed. he told me in the morning he was in pain all night. I feel so very angry and my pain will go on longer than it should because of how he suffered. I just had one doctor from Harmony who was disgusted that Steve should be left in pain and he blasted our GP and told him to basically get his fingers out. I have had a horrendous journey with Steve's cancer. He isn't suffering anymore but my heart is breaking for his suffering and losing him.
I have 4 sisters so I know how you feel about being left out. All us sisters are different and some get on better with one sister more than another. I suppose this is natural. Try and see a CRUSE Bereavement counsellor. This is a good source of support. You sound as if you could benefit from this. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel for getting your support from outside. You will be in a better position to then support others. You will be stronger and also develop skills to be supportive.
Best wishes.

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