Birthday Blues

My father passed away on 11-1-2010 from Stage 4 Colon Cancer. He was 51 almost 52 years old. He died 2 days before his birthday. I'm turning 30 tomorrow and I miss him. My Dad was my Best Friend. My grief for his loss hits hard when it hits. I was driving the other day and a Pink Floyd song came on that was one of his fav's and I totally lost it. I had to pull over because I was crying so hard I couldn't handle the car. I'm posting this because I'm not the person who calls friends all snotty and crying, I've never been that person. I wanted to write and get some of it off my chest before my official birthday. I miss my Dad more then I can ever express. I'm ANGRY that we didn't find out about the Cancer sooner, I'm HURT because he's gone & I'm SCARED that this feeling of loss will never go away. I'm not an idiot, I know it will dull in time and I also know his memory will keep him alive. But for right now, I'm happy with my crappy pre-birthday mood.

Comments for Birthday Blues

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Jun 23, 2012
I know your pain
by: Anonymous

I was 20 when I lost my 49 year old father(heart failure)...I've been told it gets better...right now i feel like I've lost everything my reason for living but i have to live for my father. My father would want me to be happy and succeed in life doing what I love. It will take TIME but go with it at your own pace, there is no race.

Apr 07, 2011
One more comment
by: Marjorie

One more thing to add: it's so difficult to lose a parent in our age group - 20s and 30s - it's difficult at any age - but I spoke with a woman who had just lost her husband. she's probably in her 70s - and all of her friends sort of know what to do. They've experienced loss - deep loss - before. They know how to respond to each other and what to do...she had MILLIONS of flowers, cards and letters.

But there are so few of us in our 20s and 30s that have experienced this...grief is isolating enough as it is, without the majority of your peers having no idea whatsoever of the depth of pain, sorrow and just total MAGNITUDE of what we're experiencing. I have exactly 5 friends who have experienced the loss of a parent and only one of them lives here in my city.

This website is perfect for me. I NEED to reach out right now...I feel so lonely sometimes...I miss my friends at times...I want friends to see me, see my pain and provide comfort - but none of them get it. Nor do I want any of them ever to know what this is...but it's just so tough to share these thoughts and feelings with someone who doesn't get it.

It's not like breaking up with a boyfriend...with a boyfriend, you eventually have hope and hey -maybe you'll find someone better.

But your Dad - your Dad can never be replaced. There is simply no replacement.

Apr 07, 2011
Lost my Dad on 11/7/10
by: Marjorie

I lost my Dad on November 7, 2010...I'm 34 and I simply can't believe it. I posted two things on Facebook: one was a brilliant poem by W.H. Auden as a tribute to my Dad and the other was a link to an "In Memoriam" I wrote and got published in my local weekly paper.

I wanted to honor my Dad with those because he deserved it. But there is no way I would do anything more than that on Facebook.

I have a couple of friends I reach out to when i'm feeling the serrated knife of anxiety - and the guy I'm dating has been amazing.

But I'm keeping to myself, too. I have seen 2 friends since November.

I'm sorry for everyone's loss here. And thank you for posting - it helps me grieve my loss. It's so painful...

I hope tomorrow will be okay for all of us.

Here's the W.H. Auden poem I posted on Facebook (if you have ever seen Four Weddings and a Funeral, you'll read it with an Irish accent in your head):

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Mar 26, 2011
Lost Dad
by: Elise

I lost my Dad last year, and recently experienced my first ever birthday without him.... and then within weeks, the anniversary of the day I lost him. When I lost my Dad I not only lost my rock, but because my Mum has fallen apart, I feel like I am now an orphan. I have no parents now. My Dad was my everything, even though we didn't tell each other every day, we just knew it. I miss him so much, and it all hurts so much..... but somehow losing my Dad has shown me that life really is too short. He may not be here anymore and although I would give anything to have him by my side again, to appreciate him like I should have done when he was here. He will be there, over my shoulder - like I guess all our Dad's are, to say, please live your life, and enjoy your life - while you are still blessed to be here. Cos if our Dad's still had another day - imagine what they would have filled it all up with! AND LET'S MAKE THEM PROUD!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXX

Mar 18, 2011
So hard
by: Shannon M

My dad died 11/10/10 at 58 years old from falling off a ladder. I am also 30 years old. I've had friends that have lost parents in the past, never in a million years can you imagine the pain until you experience it yourself. It hurts and I miss him every single day, and am only thankful for my toddlers as they keep me very busy.
My sister posts stuff on Facebook ALL THE TIME and it makes me cringe - it sounds like I am similar to you - not wanting to reach out. I don't want to ask for people to feel sorry for me. Anyhow I am so sorry for your loss. I do hope it gets easier, but right now I just don't see how it will. I just want my dad back.

Feb 16, 2011
birthday blues
by: Anonymous

Please keep writing. Please keep reading. All of us here have lost the very person that was a huge part of our lives. You are not the type person does not apply with grief. It makes you a mess and out of control. But that is o.k it doesn't make you weak it makes you human. If some one says happy birthday you will be angry, also angry if they don't so its all a rollercoaster ride of emotions but we are here for you 24-7 you can always be yourself here and vent.

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